Coco Pinchard, the Consequences of Love and Sex: A Funny, Feel-Good, Romantic Comedy by Robert Bryndza Read Free Book Online Page A

diagnosed with anything. Well I have been diagnosed… As pregnant… Rosencrantz love, I’m pregnant.’  
    Rosencrantz froze, his mouth agape. There was a long awkward silence.
    ‘It is mine, of course,’ said Adam. I gave him a look. Rosencrantz remained frozen with his mouth open.
    ‘Well say something. You looked happier when you thought I was dying.’ Rosencrantz finished his second beer, then started on the third.  
    ‘You’re going to have a baby?’  
    ‘August the eighth,’ I said. ‘And steady on with those beers.’ He ignored me and took another big slug.
    ‘But how?’  
    ‘It’s a bit late for the birds and the bees chat,’ I said, trying to make light of the situation. ‘You remember that? When your father sat you down? He did his best; it’s not his fault he can’t draw.’  
    ’Don’t try and be funny Mum… You weren’t using protection?’  
    I looked at Adam.
    ‘It was only the one time,’ I said.
    ‘Only the one time. And neither of you have a job right now. Who’s going to pay for this baby?’
    Neither of us had expected this.
    ‘I’ve been applying for jobs,’ said Adam.
    ‘And my book is being published in April,’ I added. Rosencrantz got up and went to the window. He looked horrified.
    ‘But what about your career mum? You had such ambitions to be an author.’
    ‘I am an author!’ I said.
    ‘When will you have time to write? You’ll be a middle-aged pram face.’
    ‘Hey! Don’t talk to your mother like that,’ said Adam standing up.  
    ‘Adam I looked up to you,’ said Rosencrantz. ‘I thought Dad would be the one to knock up some bird,’  
    ‘You watch your mouth,’ I said jumping up from the sofa. ‘I am not knocked up! If you haven’t forgotten Adam and I are married. And you might be twenty two but I don’t like your tone.’
    ‘You’ll be pensioners soon, you can’t have planned this?’ said Rosencrantz.
    ‘No it wasn’t planned, but I’m a damned sight better off than when I had you, and you certainly weren’t planned!’ As soon as it came out of my mouth I regretted it. Rosencrantz thumped down his beer, grabbed his coat and stormed off.
    We sat there in silence after the sound of the door slamming.
    ‘And I thought Ethel was going to be the tough one,’ said Adam.
    ‘Well, Ethel kind of already knows,’ I admitted.
    ‘How?’
    ‘She guessed.’
    ‘When?’
    ‘Couple of weeks ago.’
    ‘And you didn’t tell me? I thought it was just me and you who knew, who else knows?’
    ‘No one.’
    ‘Just when I think I can trust you!’ said Adam. He then stormed out and slammed the living room door.  
    Rocco came and put his head on my lap and looked at me with his wise little eyes.
    ‘I hope I’m having a girl,’ I said. ‘Men never seem to grow out of being children.’
    Rocco gave my hand a little lick.
    ‘Apart from you of course,’ I said.

February

    Wednesday 1st February

    My nausea seems to have waned, but overnight my bladder has shrunk to the size of a peanut. I slept fitfully and woke every half hour, busting to pee, which involved climbing over Adam and Rocco to use the downstairs loo. I was flushing the toilet just before six, when the doorbell rang. It was still dark outside so I kept the chain on when I opened the door. It was my neighbour Mrs Cohen, in a long buttoned up nightie and curlers. She peered through the gap at me with her beady eyes.
    ‘Hello there Mrs Pinchard. I’m sorry I haven’t had time to come round and welcome you back to the neighbourhood… I’ve been so busy.’
    ‘So you came over at quarter to six in the morning?’ I said.
    ‘No,’ she said smiling awkwardly. ‘I came to ask who keeps flushing your toilet?’  
    ‘I do.’
    ‘Could you not?’ she said. ‘Mr Cohen is having terrible problems with his hip, so we’re having to sleep downstairs. Our bed is up against your soil pipe!’  
    I apologised.
    ‘Why aren’t you using your en suite? It can’t do your hips