Code White by Scott Britz-Cunningham Read Free Book Online Page B

Kevin!” was all she could say.
    “Yeah, I said the forbidden word. Ramsey! Go ahead, curse me for it! Scratch my eyes out! Turn around and let me have it! But you can’t, can you? What the fuck is wrong with you, anyway? You walk around with your head full of ghosts: your father, your sister, your … your … our son, that pathetic little tyke who squirmed in agony for a few days before his life was snuffed out altogether. If you believe in God, why can’t you curse Him, and scream at the top of your lungs how bastardly shit-fucking unfair that was? Any normal human being would do that. If you keep it locked up inside you, it will kill you. It will drive you insane.”
    She stared at the floor, trying to shut him out. His words enraged her. She burned to shriek at him, to throw back his accusations, and in so doing to flush clean the sewers of pent-up rage and grief inside her. But she couldn’t. The very thought of confronting him made her ill, as every attempt to stand up for herself always had. Why? Why? she had asked herself a thousand times before. It was as though an unseen hand were poised to crush her if she dared to reveal the intensity of what she felt. It had always been so, as far back as she could remember. For all her training and degrees, she was helpless to do anything about it. She had the skill to cut into the brains of others, but could not heal this abscess within her own.
    She knew that so much was at stake. It was the last chance to save her marriage, and yet she found her tongue paralyzed. She couldn’t even cry. All she could do was stare at the floor and breathe, deep in, deep out , trying to ward off that stomach-turning feeling of doom.
    Meanwhile, Kevin made his jab for the jugular. “I suppose you think that son of a bitch Helvelius has got the answer.”
    Ali rose to her feet. “Richard has nothing to do with it,” she said, jerking her panties and skirt back up around her waist. “It’s just like you to be suspicious of everyone. Nothing’s happened. We just … talk. He … he doesn’t try to force me.… He accepts … accepts me for who I am.”
    “Do you think I believe that?”
    “I don’t care what you believe.”
    “You’re never going to change, are you, babe?”
    “Who ever changes? Do you?” she said, without looking back. The next thing she was standing alone on the front porch of the brownstone, shivering in the warm night air. Only then did she notice that she had put on her blouse so hastily that the buttons didn’t line up. I’m a damned fool, she thought. If I don’t end it, we’re both going to lose our minds.
    The next day she filed for divorce. And two days later, she made love to Helvelius for the first time.
    *   *   *
    Clack! Clack! The radiologist slapped the finished angio films against the clips at the top of the lightbox. While the rest of the staff returned to the room, Ali scooted from behind the lead screen to view the images. A dark blob, like an unraveling ball of yarn, could be seen in the back of the skull cavity, marking the location of the AVM.
    “There’s the main feeder,” said Dr. Helvelius, looking over her shoulder. In his voice there was no trace of what had just passed between them—no baby, no Ramsey, no wedding bells.
    “Looks like it comes directly off the posterior communicating artery,” said Ali, trying to match his composure, although nausea still wrung her stomach, and she felt weak and shaky inside.
    “Do we have digital?” asked Helvelius. “Kevin, do you have it?”
    Kevin was slouched far backward in his chair, punching the keyboard crisply with one outstretched hand. Despite his swagger, Ali could tell that he was far from at ease. Shorn of his characteristic smirk, he seemed deep in thought, even apprehensive. She was glad to see it, for he was always like that when he was immersed in work—and work, she knew, was his solace. It was the great unifier, too. Over the past few months, Kevin had