Confessions and Olivia (Olivia #2) by N.k Williams Read Free Book Online Page B

and he has. Maybe I just wasn’t enough for him anymore, either that or I scared him off when I told him I loved him."
    I still love him. I love him so much.
    "Why didn’t I just keep my big mouth shut and let it carry on as we were. If I never told him I loved him we'd still be together."
    "Don’t you dare blame yourself," Elise has tears in her eyes now too as she watches deeply how much pain I’m in.
    "The thought of loving someone that much, to the point where it hurts it’s almost shameful isn’t it? To the point where you think you can’t live without them? Only to get told they don't love you, the pain is unbearable. I didn't think I’d ever feel pain like that again, but then I see him with her, it has proved me wrong."
    Elise takes my hand and lays her head on the pillow next to me, she wants to listen to meand I need a listener right now.
    "Why does it hurt so fucking much? I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can’t get him out of my head. My mind and body is constantly numb and aching from missing him so much."
    "These feelings will go away in time Livs, I know everyone says that but they will."
    I shake my head clenching my eyes shut, my tears are soaking my pillow. "But what if I don't want them to? Because as soon as the pain disappears, as soon as the feelings go then I have nothing left of him. I don't want to feel like this Elise, I hate every second of it but I don't want to forget him either, I can't."
    "Come on Liv’s, try and sleep. We’ll talk through this tomorrow. You look absolutely exhausted."
    I turn on my side closing my eyes, trying to absorb the tears.
    "I just feel so empty."
     
    ***
     
    I wake up next morning feeling like death. I can't get a grasp on what happened last night. I wake up and instantly remember.
    Jeez, please mind, give me a break.
    Questions after questions run through my mind: Why would Calvin do that to me? Did he really think that little of me? How come he is back in Chicago? I thought he hated that bitch? Her smug face. The look on his. Arh.
    I thought at the back of my mind that maybe I would get a text off Calvin apologizing to me. He would have known for a fact seeing that last night would have cut me in two. He would have known, if he knew me at all, that it would have destroyed me.
    He has destroyed me.
    I’m slowly beginning to think maybe he is as cold heart-ed as people said. But then I completely dismiss it. I don’t want to think of him in a bad way and taint my thoughts of him. I can’t think of him as being reprehensible. The person he was when I was with him was real to me. Calvin is loving and so kind. Full of life. So beautiful inside and out. Being ruthless is not in Calvin’s nature is it?
    Elise isn’t next to me when I turn. Maybe she's gone down for breakfast.
    I sit up shakily and take the two painkillers sitting on my bedside table, washing it down with water. Elise is so thoughtful. Do I dare try to get out of bed? I could stay here and hide all day but I need some air.
    I feel dead. Jesus, looking in the mirror I look it too.
    I climb into the shower trying to make myself feel a little more human.
    Oh no, I have work. Shit. I’ll have to call in sick.
    I pull on gray sweat pants and my Hollister hooded jumper and look around for my cell ready t o call into work bracing myself. While I’m looking for it, I start to realize I haven’t seen it or heard it all morning. I can’t find it. What the?
    I look under my bed sheets, under the bed. On the floor. In the bathroom. Nowhere! Where the hell has it got to?
    I calm myself down after panicking from losing it and go use the house telephone. I’m sure Elise must have it.
    "Hey Macy, its Olivia. I won’t be in today I feel terrible." How could I go to work today with this on my mind?
    "Olivia, we have the model auditions today, you can't miss it."
    That's today? She's right I can't miss it.
    "Shit, I forgot. How long have do I have?"
    "Two hours Olivia, hurry up I can't drool over them