Crackpot Palace by Jeffrey Ford Read Free Book Online Page A

midnight.”
    â€œMe and you?”
    â€œNo, you and Uncle Sfortunado.”
    Luke closed his eyes and shook his head.
    â€œThis means my family is officially accepting you,” said Darene. “My father says it’s a test of your manhood.”
    Luke laughed.
    â€œI can see you’re not mature enough,” she said.
    Two nights earlier they’d been at the lake on the picnic bench. She sat on his lap facing him, her legs on either side of his. There was a cool autumn breeze, but she glowed with warmth as they kissed.
    â€œOkay, sign me up,” he said, “but my parents are gone for the weekend with the car. I’m stranded.”
    â€œI’ll pick you up at eleven thirty,” she said.
    He turned the computer off and went to take a shower.
    Luke always got stuck sitting next to Uncle Sfortunado at the Cabadula family parties. After a while the reason for it became clear to him—no one in the family wanted to. The ancient patriarch often spoke in some foreign tongue, and when he did talk in English, he mumbled cryptic sayings involving animals—“The moon in the lake is for the fish” or “A spider in the mouth will empty your pockets.” When Luke stared back in puzzlement, the old man would spit out the word “gaduche,” which Luke was sure meant “stupid” or worse. Once he’d asked Sfortunado what country the Cabadula were originally from. He guessed Greece, Italy, Romania, Turkey, Russia.
    The old man squinted and shook his head to each.
    â€œAre you gypsies?” asked Luke.
    â€œI wish,” said Sfortunado.
    â€œI give up. Where then?”
    â€œAnother country.”
    â€œWhich one?”
    â€œThe old country, up in the hills,” he yelled and shook his head in annoyance.
    As the shower water fell and the steam rose, Luke closed his eyes. “I’m gonna have to get blazed for this,” he thought.
    Darene pulled up in her old Jeep Cherokee at exactly eleven thirty. Luke had never known her to be on time. He got in. She was dressed all in black—T-shirt, jacket, jeans, and he knew, even though he couldn’t see her feet, that she’d be wearing black socks and sneakers. She gave him a quick kiss before he could slide across the seat and put his arms around her. Just as he reached, she turned, started the car, and pulled away from the curb.
    â€œPut your seat belt on,” she said.
    â€œWhere are we going?” he asked and lightly touched a ringlet of her hair.
    â€œThe church over on Gebble Street.”
    â€œThat’s a crappy area.”
    â€œThat’s our church,” she said and made a stern face.
    â€œHow about we make a detour to the lake and you can test my manhood?” he said and laughed.
    â€œAre you high?” she asked.
    â€œNo,” he said. “I’m tired. I was asleep when you called.”
    She sighed, and from that point on it was silence until they pulled into the church parking lot.
    â€œI can’t go in with you,” she said. She opened her door. He also got out and met her at the front of the car. She put her arms around his waist and he leaned back against the hood.
    â€œI know this is beat,” she said, “but it means a lot to me.” She looked up and he smiled. She put the side of her face against his chest.
    â€œYou’ve got nothing to worry about,” he said. “I’ll sit the dead like my father sits the bowl.”
    â€œSeriously,” she said.
    â€œI’m all about it.”
    The next thing he knew, she was closing the front door of the church behind him. He stepped into a dark alcove and a sudden smell of incense and old wood made his spine twitch. Luke looked through the open doors and down the aisle before him, past the rows of darkened pews, to the altar—white marble, crowded with statues, and holding the candlelit coffin of Gracie. He took a deep breath and moved toward the