an hour.”
“A coma? Oh Dad. That’s terrible,” I say in disbelief. I feel like I’m going to throw up.
“Kase, you want to go, don’t you?”
“I don’t know Dad. I have nothing there. Nowhere to stay. Nothing there anymore.”
“Well, you could stay at Tyson’s cabin. And I’ll get you a car. I’ll make all the arrangements. I’ll get you there quick. I’ll have a car pick you up in an hour and you’ll fly out of Bozeman within two. You’ll be with Nicky by morning. She probably needs you right now, Kase. Probably needs you really bad.”
“I know Dad. I’m torn. I want to be there for her and I want to be there for Marcus, but…”
“Forget about that Kase. These are your friends. You should be there for them.”
“You’re right, Dad. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re right.”
“So, Bozeman?”
“Yeah, Bozeman. I’ll have a car there for you soon. Get your things together. Call Nicky and tell her you are on the way.”
“Okay.”
“Travel safe, sweetheart.”
“I will.”
“Okay, bye now.”
“Bye Dad.”
I am about to hang up and then quickly try to catch him, “Dad?”
“Yeah Kase.”
“…Thanks.”
*****
I get to the cabin by morning as arranged. There is no sign of the black sports car outside and I walk to the side of the garage to see if it is in there.
Nope. Not there either. That’s a relief.
I go inside and the cabin is quiet. I put my backpack down and look around a little, recalling what happened there and all that’s happened since. I walk back to my room and the bed is made neatly. There’s no sign of any disturbance inside or outside of the cabin. I look at the cabinet that houses the old movies and I open one of the doors. Lined up neatly, the old classics spread from full left to full right, top to bottom. Only two empty spaces. I recall having taken Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Casablanca and don’t know where they are now. Maybe in Montana, or maybe in Vancouver. I’ve lost track.
I’ve lost track of a lot of things lately. And being back in North Carolina is just reminding me of what I had before and where I was going before I met Tyson.
Before I met Tyson.
Nothing has been the same since I met him. It’s been a whirlwind tour of the country and one frantic engagement after another. When will it end? Is it all over now? I ask myself many questions and I still have no answers. And now poor Marcus. And Nicky. Why is everything going so far downhill? Why is this my life?
I walk over to the closet and I open the door. Movies stacked neatly against the lower right side. The tall safe is still there. The door is open. Just cracked. I move some clothes out of the way and give space to open it further. I look in and see the papers I looked at before. I read them again and see my dad’s name at the bottom just as before. Same papers. I look elsewhere in the safe and on the top shelf, in the back corner, I see it. I see what I didn’t see last time. Or what wasn’t there last time. I don’t know. I look around the room, behind me and out in the corridor. I check the windows. I have an eerie, unsure feeling. I feel my nerves coming up and beads of perspiration forming on my forehead. I reach into the back corner of the safe and pull it out.
It is heavy, but fits comfortably in my hand. It is sleek. Good looking. I see a magazine in the grip and I wonder if there is… if there is one in the chamber? Cody taught me enough in that brief session in Montana to figure out if guns are loaded. And I’m glad he did. I know where I stand right now. I pull the slide back and check the chamber. I release and am done. Locked and loaded. I move back away from the safe and it all starts coming back into my head. The death of my mom. The fucking bastard who did that to her. My dad never being there for me, ever. WHAT THE FUCK? The way I treated Marcus. I could have just given into to his wants. We would have been fine. At least he
Mary Crockett, Madelyn Rosenberg