Crush by Carrie Mac Read Free Book Online Page A

him up, perch him on my hip and get busy mashing bananas one-handed. I’m getting good at it. Maira comes into the kitchen, cell phone to her ear.
    “Not acceptable,” she says in her work tone, which is way different from her mommy tone. She gestures at Larissa. “Categorically not.”
    Larissa pulls a snack-size yogurt out of the fridge and hands it to her.
    Thank you, Maira mouths. Love you. “And I’m equally confident that you heard me the first time. The answer is no.” She kissesLarissa on the cheek, nuzzles each baby and manages to keep the phone call going the whole time as she heads for the door.
    “Man, I love that woman!” Larissa says as Maira leaves. “Amazing, isn’t she?”
    “Yep.” A couple of days after I moved in, Maira mentioned that she’d been out west dealing with her parents, who were splitting up after forty-two years together. That’s what the whole emotional mess on the plane was about. Apparently an argument over organic strawberries was the last straw for her dad, but I’m guessing the mistress of thirteen years was a contributing factor too. Anyway, the point is, Maira and Larissa are still all blissed out with each other after twelve years together.
    Larissa shuffles over to the table and sits down while I sit the boys in their high-chairs.
    “Aren’t you going to be late?” I ask.
    She shakes her head. “Trial starts at eleven.”
    “Huh.” I start to feed the babies, but my mind wanders off, back to yesterday, toNat in her filthy clothes and how badly I wished I’d kissed her under the porch. “Hey, Larissa...can I ask you something?”
    “Am I in trouble?” “
    No.” Avery gleefully spits banana all over the place. “But I might be. Well, not ‘trouble,’ exactly.”
    “Let me try to wake up a little then.” She sits up and rubs her face. “Sounds serious.”
    “It’s about Nat.” Felix mucks his hands in the goo on his highchair.
    “Uh-huh.” Larissa nods. “Talk to me.”
    “Well, yesterday she was here and there was this moment when I—” Felix smacks his lips and grins at me. Suddenly it all seems very unlikely, like my imagination was making up life where there was just boredom. “Never mind.”
    Larissa shakes her head. “Talk to me, Hope.”
    “It’s just that—” Geez, I wish I didn’t blush so easily.
    “Wait a minute, I know where this is going...” Larissa sets her coffee down. “She made a pass at you, didn’t she?”
    “So she is?” I asked.
    “Is what?”
    “Gay?”
    “Was there any doubt?” Larissa laughs. She raps my head. “Is your gaydar out of whack, hon?”
    “Do I have a gaydar?”
    “Doesn’t everybody?” says Larissa.
    I spoon some more bananas at the boys. “What does yours say about me?”
    Larissa gets up for more coffee. “It says you’re young.”
    “What’s that supposed to mean?”
    “It means whatever you want it to mean.” She leans against the counter. “What do you want it to mean?”
    “I don’t know.” I shrug.
    “What happened yesterday?”
    I tell her. “So? Do you think I’m crazy?” “Not at all.” Larissa shakes her head. “She wants you.”
    “Does that make me gay?”
    “Someone coming on to you doesn’t make you gay,” Larissa laughs. “It’s how you react that matters.”
    “Oh.” I give up on the bananas and get a cloth to wipe the highchair trays.
    “Oh? That’s it? You’re not going to tell me how you reacted?”
    “I’m not sure.” I wipe the highchairs, and then I get a facecloth and wipe the boys’ faces and hands and set them on the rug with their toys, and all the while Larissa stares at me.
    “What?” I say.
    “It’s okay,” Larissa says. “You don’t have to tell me. It’s rude of me to ask. I’m sorry.”
    “Well, I think that maybe I wanted to kiss her. Maybe. I think.”
    “Wow.” Larissa’s eyes widen. “Is that a new thing for you? Girls, I mean?”
    I nod, and then, all of a sudden, the giddiness I’d woken up with