Cure for the Common Universe by Christian McKay Heidicker Read Free Book Online Page B

Please,” the Asian girl said. “We’re dying .”
    â€œWell,” Fezzik said, cheeks red from the attention, “my guild was the first to complete the Jack and Lop quest. I obtained Eeqwuan’s blade and fed it to Gurglaxe, the lava amphibian, in order to acquire the Toasty Scythe, which I took into the Temple of the Horn and used to decapitate the Mallow King, earning me the Jackalopesus mount. I used it to build the Pyramid of Atmo . . . which earned me the title of Emperor.”
    I caught the girl with white hair secretly smiling as she stitched.
    â€œI didn’t sleep for ninety hours,” Fezzik said. “I’m not proud of it.”
    He clearly was.
    I wanted to invite the giant guild leader to join the Wight Knights guild, but that seemed inappropriate in a video game rehab. So I just said, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Emperor.”
    â€œNo, no,” Fezzik said. “Don’t call me that. Like I said, that was another life.” He took a deep breath and exhaled. “The point is, I know what it’s like to get lost in a digital world and watch the real world leave you behind. More than most, probably. Heh. Think of me as your healer, Miles. The white mage of the guild.”
    â€œA- hem ,” the Asian girl said. “White?”
    â€œExcuse me,” Fezzik said. “I’m your healer . I’m here to give you a phoenix down in life.”
    He gave an infectious chuckle, and I smiled. For real this time.
    Fezzik gestured around the circle. “Let’s go around andhave everyone give a brief introduction: name, tier, and why you’re here.”
    â€œWhat’s a tier?” I asked.
    â€œIt’s just which quarter of a million points the player has. You’re a first tier.” He gestured to the big girl, who kept her eyes on her cross-stitch. She looked annoyed enough to crumple the chair she sat in. “Meeki?”
    She kept stitching. “I’m Meeki. I’m a first tier. I’m not addicted to video games. I’m here because a controller accidentally slipped out of my hand during a Wii tennis match against my brother, and it accidentally gave him a concussion.”
    â€œMeeki,” Fezzik said. “Did the controller accidentally break the television too?”
    She dropped her needle and made an annoyed sound. “I already told you. The Wiimote bounced off my brother’s head and then hit the TV. I’m not a violent person.”
    â€œMeeki,” Fezzik said, “your avatar’s name was ‘mekillyoulongtime.’ ”
    Meeki rolled her eyes and then pointed in my face. “I’m gay. So don’t flirt with me.”
    â€œUh . . .” I scowled. “Don’t worry.”
    The Nest door opened, and Command led the electric warlock into the room. He didn’t look dead anymore, but he didn’t look not dead either. No way could he look that terrible because of a gamer hangover.
    The small kid next to me leapt up, creaked open another chair, and set it down to my left. The electric warlock slumpedinto it. Meeki and the other girl scooted over to give him and his sunken eyes some space.
    â€œGreetings, new player!” Fezzik said. “What are we going to call you on this adventure?”
    The kid held his head up from his legs and gurgled something that sounded like “Zxzord.”
    â€œHeh. Okay.” Fezzik gestured to the dark-skinned girl with the bright white hair. “Next, meet our mystic elf.”
    The girl set down her cross-stitch and shook her white hair so it partially covered her face. Then she quickly tucked it back behind her ear again, like hiding her face was a thing she was trying not to do anymore. She was one of those eternally gloomy-looking people, like someone had left her out in the rain and all her happy had seeped away.
    â€œMy name is Aurora. I’m a third tier. . . . I