down, was the last of my priorities. I had to do what was right for me first. I had to learn to stand on my own two feet again and get my life back.
***
As we walked up to the house, Grace was just stepping out. It was Wednesday, and for the past twenty-five years of their marriage, she and Travis had made sure to go out for a date lunch or dinner together. She had prepared us a lunch of mashed potatoes, roast, and vegetables, which Dustin and I ate in silence.
After lunch, Dustin went to take a conference call in his office and I went to have a hot shower to get rid of the cold that had gotten under my skin. I pulled on leggings and one of the t-shirts Grace had brought me—white with Stony Creek in tiny red and pink rhinestones across the front.
Afterward, I perched on the edge of the bed, wondering what my next steps would be. I still hadn’t come to a conclusion when exhaustion swept over me.
I decided to take a short nap, but I was awakened by a nightmare I couldn’t recall, apart from the fact that Jude was in it—his angry eyes, the sneer on that face I had once found irresistible. Even while conscious, I felt his presence around me, so strong it was suffocating. On instinct, I frantically searched the bed for a white calla lily and sighed with relief when I didn’t find one.
Still breathing heavily, I stumbled into the bathroom and threw up in the toilet bowl. The very thought of him, the memory of his cologne, nauseated me. I washed out my mouth and splashed my face with tepid water.
When I went downstairs, I found Dustin on the couch reading The New York Times with one hand and drinking a beer with the other. He must have just showered. His hair looked darker from dampness and he wore a different pair of jeans and a crisp white t-shirt.
He looked up with a smile. “Did you have a nice nap?”
I ran a hand through my hair. “Not really. I had a nightmare.”
“About him?” He placed the newspaper on the seat next to him and waved me over.
I nodded and went to sit close to him, but not close enough to touch. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and pull me to his body. I wanted to inhale his cologne, feel his heartbeat. But I couldn’t cross that line. I was too aware of both the physical and emotional danger that might be sparked by us getting too close.
I twisted my hands together and gazed out through the floor-to-ceiling window, watching a bird hop from one branch to the next. There was a herd of cattle in the distance, and the ranch hand Dustin had just hired yesterday was feeding a golden terrier that wagged its tail gratefully.
“I made a decision.” I turned to face him.
His face brightened with anticipation, his brown eyes glinting.
“That’s good. I’m here to help you in any way I can.” He twisted his body until he was facing me, our knees brushing. The simple touch sent my senses spinning out of control, but I forced myself to stay focused.
“I want to change my identity and move to a big city…maybe New York.”
Dustin stiffened and leaned back. He didn’t speak for a long time. The only sound was his breathing.
“I have to do this. It’s the only way for me to be rid of him without him hurting me again. As long as I stay myself, he’ll find me. I know he will.” I paused. “And he will kill me.”
He covered my hands with his. “You know I won’t let that happen. I will do everything to make sure—”
“You can’t protect me from Jude. He’s sick and dangerous. I can’t let him hurt you too. I just need… Please just help me get a new identity. You know people. Maybe somebody will know how…” My voice drifted off and died in midair.
“I don’t think that’s the right approach, Haley. You can’t just bury who you are.”
“Why not? I’m pretty much dead already.” Heat crawled up my neck. “What I’m doing… It’s right. It’s right for me.” I paused and inhaled. “For now.”
Dustin leaned forward again and looked me square in