Dare to Love by Penny Dixon Read Free Book Online Page B

wrapper. I was aware of Richard’s eagerness to please, his willingness to take the line of least resistance, to acquiesce without a fight, to make a round trip rather than make a confrontation. After Curtis’ purple days, these were qualities I prized. Now I had to face the other side of these. I felt angry with myself. How could I have been so blind?

    He needed help. Professional help. I knew a very good therapist who specialised in this kind of thing, but he was a friend, had been a guest at our wedding. I made enquiries, asked for recommendations to refer a client on. Felt a fraud and a liar and felt even more resentful for being pulled into his mesh of deceit. I finally found someone outside my sphere of contacts two weeks after moving into the spare room. I gave Richard the number and told him Dr Patterson was expecting his call.
    I kept my own practice going as best I could. A couple of clients commented on my distraction during their session. I apologised and blamed a brewing cold. I managed the strain in the knowledge that Richard would be getting help and would at least gain some insight into why he’d allowed this to happen. I wanted him to understand the consequences for the boy, the implications for my practice if any of this came out and the potentially explosive ramification of legal action if he was ever tracked down.
    I was living on a knife edge, living in the spare room, living in a house with a man I no longer knew, living with the hope that something good would come out of this. That Richard and I could find a way back to each other.
    My social life reduced to zilch. Everyone thought we were in wedded bliss and left us alone. I was grateful that I didn’t have to make excuses, that I could just say, ‘I’m staying in with Richard tonight.’ And it was accepted.
    He left early and worked late. I spent a lot of time at the gym at weekends. We ate before coming home so there was no need for a shared meal in the evenings. The Le Creuset set I’d been looking forward to using was gathering dust. I went to the office every day and helped other people move their lives forward, yet here I was treading in quicksand.
    Three weeks after I’d given him Dr Patterson’s number, he was making me a drink when I asked him how he was getting on. He busied himself pouring the tea, said they’d been very busy at work and he hadn’t managed to make the call yet. I felt ready to burst, but managed to ask calmly, ‘Are you aware how busy he is, that he’d cleared time in his diary to fit you in because I stressed how urgent this is?’
    The blood was pulsing at my temples. All these nights I’d been lying in the spare room believing we may be moving closer to a resolution and all the time he hadn’t even made the call, not one appointment, he was nowhere closer to taking responsibility for what he’d done. I couldn’t believe it!
    ‘I’ll phone next week when we’re less busy.’ He took his drink and went to his bedroom. Yes, it had become his bedroom. I’m often surprised what we’ll adapt and adjust to and accept as normal, while promising ourselves that things will change soon.
    Richard’s company continued to experience an unprecedented increase in contracts, which was great for the company but which gave him the excuse not to ring Dr Patterson. We settled into a pattern. Every fortnight I’d ask him if he’d managed to make the appointment. He’d plead work and I’d let it go. After about five months, I told him I would leave if he didn’t make and appointment. He got one two weeks later, didn’t share any of the issues he was covering and we carried on as usual.
    I was going quietly mad, unable to share this with anyone. Everyone thought we were so happy. I’d stopped shouting; he didn’t retaliate, just left the room.
    ‘We’ve become strangers, Celia, that’s when I called you. I needed to get away.’
    The sun’s coming up. It promises to be a beautiful day. It’s already twenty