Dark Place to Hide by A J Waines Read Free Book Online Page B

appointment diary, just in case it’s here. It might give some indication as to your plans and whereabouts. I scour each room, not caring about the mess I make as I fling cushions aside, pull out drawers, tip piles of magazines onto the coffee table. I can’t find it.
    I still don’t understand your message to Alexa. You haven’t seemed out of sorts with me or looked like you’ve been putting on a brave face. I can always tell.
    Have I misjudged a cause for concern between us? I trawl my memories trying to find a subject that might be more serious than I thought. If there’s anything, it’s the issue with my mother when I blew up at her at Christmas and fled just as she was slicing into the turkey. You assured me at first that you understood and were fine with it, but I heard the tremble of disapproval in your voice. I pressed you and it came out like poison from a wound.
    ‘I can’t believe you called Bruce a shabby loan shark.’
    ‘Well – he is,’ I said. ‘He owns a payday loan company. It’s called Loansafe, for goodness sake. He should rename it Loanscam.’
    ‘And I can’t believe what you did afterwards…’ you said. ‘Smashing her plant pots like a vandal. I was
really
shocked, Harper.’ Your eyelids flickered with disbelief. ‘And a bit frightened, if I’m honest. Your anger…’
    ‘I know. It was a one-off – I don’t usually get worked up like that.’ I didn’t look you in the eye at that point. I couldn’t. It’s because of what I did – once – something so shameful that I can never say it out loud. I can only ever refer to it with you, inside my head. I can’t bear you to know my anger isn’t as tamed as I’d like you to think. I’m still a loose cannon at times – though I’ve done my utmost to play it down with everyone who knows me.
    ‘They’re together now – that’s how it is. Your mum waited fourteen years after your father died. She’s allowed to be happy.’
    ‘Yeah, well she won’t be for long. She’s made a big mistake. I don’t know what she sees in him. It’s only because he showed an interest in her. She’s eternally grateful – that’s all.’
    You tugged my sleeve. ‘Did she say that?’
    ‘She’s settling for him because she’s in her fifties.’
    ‘Did she tell you this?’ you persisted.
    ‘More or less. Mum said, “How many more chances am I going to get at my age?”’
    You told me I had to make it up to my mother. You told me I’d regret it. You didn’t hold back. You were right, of course, but I wasn’t ready to give in so easily.
    But even that disagreement wasn’t a big deal between us. Do you remember how it ended? You punched my arm and told me I was a bully – and I hauled you into a Sumo grip and put my foot on your belly, just to prove it. You dissolved into fits of laughter and I had to kiss you. Our disagreements usually end like that – we can’t stay adversaries for long and we’ve
never
slept with an argument between us.
    That’s why taking off like this is so out of character. You’ve never needed to be away from me before. But then, something as big as this has never happened to us before. I come back to the conclusion that I must have failed you, not paid enough attention after the miscarriage.
    I take another U-turn in my thinking. This chopping and changing is making me feel unhinged.
    Maybe you came back when I was out looking for you. Or perhaps you hid a few basic items in the car so you could leave empty-handed. But that implies forward planning. That in itself is out of character, but
secret
forward planning is even harder to grasp. On those rare occasions when you
do
have a plan, you’ve always been one to involve others; to share ideas and ask advice. Your best friend. Your sister. Your colleagues. But, none of them knew a thing.
    Does this mean an underhand and conscious deception? Did you lie when you said you were only going as far as the village shop? Have you, in fact, had something bigger