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knew now that he did feel
something for her. He wanted to bite her. She could wait a little
longer to live out her dreams.
When she had finished
buttoning her jacket, she looked at him. He rose from the bed and
crossed the room to the door. She looked around the room and then
at him.
“ Amerii,” Van
said, the tone of his voice warm and carrying a hint of affection.
He walked back to her and took her hands. “I will do it if you
believe me worthy and wish me to.”
“ Do
what?”
His look turned serious.
His gaze shifted to her neck and then back to her eyes.
“ Bite you...”
he said and his eyes brightened, a flash of scarlet that faded a
moment later. “There.”
“ Do you want
to?”
He frowned, his eyes
narrowing with it. “I have no place courting royalty... but I wish
to. I cannot stop thinking about you Amerii... I have tried hard to
change for you.”
Her eyes widened. For her?
He had changed himself for her. He wanted to feel something and
experience love.
He wanted to love
her.
“ Van,” Amerii
whispered and he leaned forwards, every ounce of desperation
showing in his eyes. “I don’t think you’re unworthy... any man who
has fought so hard to change himself deserves to be loved for his
effort... but then... I would have loved you even if you could not
love me in return.”
“ You love
me?”
She thought for a moment
and then nodded. “I do... I do love you.”
He swallowed and looked
uncomfortable. “I think I love you too... I have this need inside
me, a desire to protect you, to hold you close and keep you safe
from the universe. Is that normal? Is that love too?”
She smiled and nodded.
“That’s love. A burning collision of need, fear, hope, trepidation
and a desire to protect.”
“ Flying and
falling, as you put it,” he said with a broad smile.
She sighed and touched his
cheek.
“ Flying and
falling.”
****
Chapter
5
Van led the way onto the
bridge. The walk to it had been long and quiet as he had struggled
to regain total control over his feelings. Amerii’s admission of
her desire to have him bite her neck had sent him over the edge and
he had feared that he would lose control and hurt her. Her choice
to remain with him, to kiss him after he had left such a terrible
black welt on her neck, had given him a strange sense of comfort. A
smile touched his lips. Everything that Regis had told him of, he
was feeling for Amerii. It was a mindless series of urges, of needs
so strong that he couldn’t deny them. He had no control over them.
They had total control over him. It was a wonderful sensation but
frightening at the same time.
Flying and
falling.
That was what Amerii had
so aptly named it. He couldn’t have thought up a better metaphor
himself.
All of the crew on the
domed bridge rose from their various positions and saluted him as
he walked down towards the screen. Amerii walked in behind him.
Thankfully, the collar of her jacket hid most of the bruise on her
throat. Only a tiny fraction showed above it. It wouldn’t be enough
for her captain to notice, or any of his crew. It would look like a
shadow from her hair.
Van took a deep breath and
looked up at the image of the Nebuz-Lyra VIII on the screen. Two
other ships had joined it. Departure time for Varka Two was
imminent.
“ Your
highness,” he said without looking at Amerii.
A sense of calm filled him
when she came to stand beside him and his gaze fixed on the mark on
her throat for a moment before he looked back at the screen. He
needed her close. The crew didn’t seem to suspect anything but he
had tasted her blood. There was a chance that his crew might be
able to smell her blood and he couldn’t risk them reacting to the
scent. He didn’t want to fight his own men but if they dared go
near her, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from protecting her.
He would turn as dangerous as Regis had. The bloodlust would make
him violent.
He was behaving exactly as
Regis
Learning to Kill: Stories