Dead Life (Book 3) by D. Harrison Schleicher Read Free Book Online Page B

There was a zombie in there.  He was sitting on the toilet.  It was one of the strangest things I had ever seen.  The lid was down, his pants were up, and he was just sitting there.  “I'm sorry.”  I said.  “I didn't know this bathroom was occupied.”  Then I shot him in the head, closed the door, and headed down the hallway.  The kitchen was in front of me.  A zombie stood at the refrigerator looking at the closed door.  He heard me come in, turned, and came at me.   I holstered my pistol, drew my sword, and stabbed him through the eye.  There was a doorway leading off the kitchen that led to the dining room.  Sitting at the dining room table was a zombie.  Man, these zombies were sure doing civilized things.  His back was to me and he didn't hear me come up behind him.  I pulled the sword back and brought it down on the top of his head.  I cleaved his head in two and he dropped to the ground beside the chair.
                  This was the strangest bunch of zombies I'd seen so far.  We had one zombie gazing into the yard.  One was sitting on the toilet taking a crap.  Another one was looking for something in the fridge.  And a zombie waiting for someone to bring him his dinner.  I assumed I'd just come across a group of developmentally disabled zombies gathering for Thanksgiving.  I could still hear shooting outside but the gunfire from inside the house had stopped.  I made one more circuit through the downstairs and didn't find anything.  Then I went outside to see if the girls would need any help.  The yard was strewn with dead bodies.  The smell was awful.  I was looking around thinking we wouldn't be able to just walk away from this one.  We would have to stay and help clean this mess up.
                  I looked up to the roof and no one was there.  I guess they were finished inside.  I looked back at Rick and Connie.  They were headed this way.  Al came out on the porch with a scowl on his face.
                  “Next time, don't just walk away.  Let me know when you're done clearing a room.”  Al said.  “Did you shoot that poor zombie while he was taking a shit?”
                  “I'm sorry, Al.  I just wanted to make sure everything was going okay out here.  And yes, I guess you could say I did.”
                  “Did what?”  Gina asked.
                  “I shot the zombie it the bathroom.  It was just sitting on the toilet.  It looked like it was trying to take a dump.  All the ones I shot after Al and Les went upstairs were acting strange.  One of them was just sitting at the dining room table.  And one was standing at the fridge.  It was creepy.  You know?”
                  “I've got it!”  Al said.  “The one at the table was hungry and the zombie on the toilet was full.  Simple.”
                  “I don't care what they were.  We've got a hell of a mess to clean up here.”  Cindy said as she shot a not quite dead zombie crawling on the ground in front of her.
                  “We don't get to just walk away from this one guys.”  Gina chimed in.
                  “Yeah, I thought about that when I blew some zombie's head all over the wall in there.”  Al said.
                  “Look, you guys don't have to stick around.  I really appreciate everything you did for us.”  Les said as he walked onto the porch arm in arm with his wife.
                  “So, you're throwing us out?  No dinner invite?”  Cindy asked with a smile on her face.
                  “Of course we want you to stay.”  Les' wife said.  “My name is Marla.  Thank you all so much.  I don't know how long I could have kept that up.  I must have pushed thirty zombies off that roof.”
                  “Okay, that's settled.  We're staying.  Let's drag these bastards out of the