Death By Carbs by Paige Nick Read Free Book Online Page A

the news of the Prof’s death, I guess. We’ve already sold, like, twelve or fifteen copies at least, and we’ve been open less than an hour.’
    â€˜Oh, you’ve got to be fucking shitting me!’ Frank said.
    â€˜Yup. Amazing what a little death will do for sales,’ the boy said as he restacked the adult colouring-in books on the counter. Another stupid craze that made Frank want to shoot himself in the head. ‘I called some of our other branches. They’ve sold out everywhere: Canal Walk, the Waterfront, even the airport.’
    â€˜Jesus!’ Frank bellowed. ‘That’s it. I can’t do this anymore.’ He stepped out from behind the till counter.
    â€˜Where are you going?’ the kid looked confused.
    â€˜I need a drink,’ Frank said.
    â€˜But it’s not even ten yet,’ pointed out bullring nose.
    â€˜You know Clive will fire you if you walk out in the middle of a shift, hey?’ the boy called out after him.
    â€˜Kid, it won’t be the first job I’ve been fired from,’ Frank announced. As he walked towards the door of the store, he swiped his hand across the main display table, knocking the neatly stacked piles of bestsellers and new arrivals onto the floor with a clatter. He paused, turned, and punched the life-sized cardboard cutout of Tim Noakes in the face. He shouted as pain shot through his damaged fist, and up his arm. He hopped up and down, swearing and nursing his hand for a moment, then he dropped his hurt arm and continued punching the cutout with his left hand, over and over again, until it collapsed. Then he stamped all over it, bent and tore at the head, screaming, ‘Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!’ The young assistants and the customers stood inside the doorway watching him, their mouths gaping.
    At last Frank levered himself upright and stomped off through the mall.
    â€˜It’s fine, I’m leaving, I’m leaving!’ he shouted, as he passed a security guard walking towards the commotion, speaking into his radio. ‘I need a drink anyway.’
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THE HIJACKERS
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    Wednesday 9:29am
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    â€˜Hold him up on your side,’ Thabo hissed.
    â€˜I am holding him up on my side,’ Papsak snapped back. ‘You hold him up on your side, wena!’
    The woman in the seat in front of them turned and stared.
    â€˜Molo, Mama,’ Thabo said, smiling at her politely. She scowled at them, then heaved herself forward again.
    The second she wasn’t looking at them, Thabo glared at Papsak, then adjusted the beanie and the oversized sunglasses, which had started slipping off the dead man’s face.
    â€˜What’s wrong with Umlungu?’ the taxi driver shouted over his shoulder.
    Papsak and Thabo eyed each other nervously.
    â€˜Too much shisa nyama,’ Thabo said.
    â€˜He’s my uncle,’ Papsak said.
    Thabo gave Papsak a filthy look and tried to tell him to shut up telepathically.
    The driver turned in his seat to side-eye Papsak, and his taxi swayed dangerously into the next lane, making the mama shout at him.
    Papsak adjusted the sunglasses, which were slipping down the dead man’s face once again.
    â€˜This mlungu? Your uncle?’ asked the driver, facing forward.
    â€˜Yes. He’s married to my mother’s sister,’ Papsak explained, shrugging at Thabo.
    â€˜Hawu!’ exclaimed the mama, clicking her tongue.
    â€˜It’s his birthday,’ Thabo said. ‘We just came from his party. Too
much phuza. We’re taking him home so he can sober up before he goes home to my aunt, otherwise she will kill him.’
    â€˜And us,’ Papsak added.
    The taxi driver eyed them warily through the rearview mirror.
    â€˜For an extra ten, can you drop us outside Lefty’s shebeen?’ Thabo asked.
    The taxi driver swerved into the other lane without indicating, and the corpse’s head bobbed sideways, landing on