Deranged Marriage by Faith Bleasdale Read Free Book Online Page A

something to do with the gallons of alcohol you poured down my neck this evening.’ I could feel my head expanding as if it would pop off. I had another cigarette to try to calm myself. I knew it wasn’t all his fault, much as I wished it was, but he had lured me into his web with the sole intention of seducing me. I felt cheated, and I felt betrayed. I felt betrayed by the one person I never thought would do that to me, which was a zillion times worse.
    ‘Christ, Hol, you have certainly managed to develop your temper in later life. I remember when you were quiet as a lamb.’ He seemed to be mocking me. Where had my friend gone? Why was he doing that? I understood less than nothing.
    ‘I have never needed to raise my voice the way I need to now.’ I looked at him and realised that it was fruitless to carry on. He looked so smug, sitting there in his plush hotel room, like the cat who got the cream. Or the cat who had the cream waiting for him back in New York, and who had just sampled the skimmed milk. ‘I’m going now and I want you to know that I am incredibly pissed off with you.’ When it came down to it, the anger didn’t in any way manage to manifest itself. I couldn’t even do my feelings justice.
    ‘When you calm down you’ll realise that we did the right thing.’ With George’s words ringing in my ears I walked out of his hotel room and out of his life without even a backward glance.
    My lifelong friendship was over.
     

 
    Chapter Five
     
    I woke on Sunday feeling suitably horrible. I know I deserved it. As soon as I was sober again, the anger and guilt set in. Joe didn’t deserve to have a loose woman for a girlfriend, especially since I was in love with him. Why on earth did I kiss George? I couldn’t figure it out, I had no answers. If it was lust, or something like that then I could almost understand. Even if it was just curiosity I would have known why I did it. But I didn’t have any of those reasons. I did it because he wanted me to and that was unforgivable.
    I really loved Joe. So why would I jeopardise that with anyone? What sort of woman am I? A raging harlot, a slut, a whore? How could I have let anything happen when my true feelings for Joe had only just been recognised? I couldn’t forgive myself. I hated George, but I hated myself more. I couldn’t bear to think about what I’d done. I couldn’t bear to admit to what I’d done.
    I crawled out of bed and into the shower. As soon as I dried myself and dressed I went out to buy the papers. I also bought food to make myself a fry-up. I cooked, ate, then dragged my duvet to the sofa where I lay, feeling miserable, reading the papers.
    The phone didn’t ring all day. I thought Joe would have called and just let me know that he was still talking to me, but he didn’t. I wanted to send him a text message, but knew that wouldn’t be a cool thing to do so I hid my mobile phone in the laundry basket. I then tried to figure out what I was going to do.
    Normally, at times like this, I would turn to friends for advice. But I couldn’t face talking to anyone, couldn’t bring myself to try to explain the situation. I decided there and then that I would never tell anyone what had happened with George. By not telling anyone, then I could pretend it never happened. Like magic, I obliterated the previous night from my mind and concentrated on how I was going to make my relationship with Joe work. After all, George was now firmly relegated to my past, and I had a future to look forward to. I just had to ensure that Joe still wanted to be part of it.
    Finally I pulled myself together that evening and called Lisa. Lisa is the best person to speak to when you feel a little bit down because she doesn’t believe in dwelling on problems. She is better at ignoring her own moods than anyone I have ever come across; she is also better at ignoring other people’s moods. Ever since I first moved in with her she was the one person who could always