Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend by Jenny Colgan Read Free Book Online Page B

like you.’
     
    I squinted. ‘How do I sound then?’
     
    As far as I knew I sounded like all my friends. The man stuck his bottom lip out then obviously thought better of whatever he was about to say.
     
    ‘You sound great,’ he said. We were now facing each other. ‘I’m Eck.’ He put out his hand. ‘Short for Alec.’
     
    ‘I wouldn’t have thought you needed to shorten Alec,’ I said, gingerly mounting the steps, and shaking his large outstretched paw.
     
    ‘Oh, it’s saved me literally minutes over the years,’ he said. ‘Come on up. Watch out for the—’
     
    But I’d seen it already.
     
    ‘Mattress,’ I said. It was lying across the stairs.
     
    ‘No, the mattress is quite useful after a heavy night,’ said Eck. ‘I was meaning more the springs popping out of the mattress.’
     
    ‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Thanks. I guess.’
     
    In my head, I sternly told myself that I must pretend that I was a princess in a story, being tested before my true form could be revealed and I could live happily ever after in South Kensington.
     
    The communal front hall was a mishmash of post addressed to loads of different people; bicycles and bits of bicycles, and trainers that looked like they needed to be carted away by men wearing full-body chemical suits.
     
    I followed Eck’s broad back up some rickety stairs.
     
    ‘How many flats are in the house?’ I asked. It was about a quarter the size of ours, judging by the outside.
     
    ‘Six,’ he said. ‘We’ve got the biggest one though.’
     
    Six? Six ? How many people lived in the building? A hundred?
     
    On the first floor he stopped and pushed open the door.
     
    ‘James! Cal! Wolverine!’
     
    Wolverine?
     
    I followed him through a narrow dark hall to a kitchen at the back, which had a rickety table propped up with a Yellow Pages and five mismatching chairs. Not the least effort had been made to tidy up for people coming round to visit. Or, terrifyingly, maybe it had. It was filthy. In the sink there were cereal bowls with smears round the rims. Teabags had been draped gracefully over the chipped Formica countertops. There was a distinct smell of something, but I couldn’t quite get a grip on it. Lentils, I thought. Overlaid with toast.
     
    Eck was obviously about to offer me tea but, giving the mug situation a quick glance over in a worried kind of a way, he just looked at me and said ‘Um . . .’
     
    ‘I’m fine,’ I said quickly. ‘Uh, if you were offering tea . . .’
     
    Suddenly I remembered that I was meant to be impressing these people with my keenness to rent and suitability as a tenant. But looking around, the only suitability criteria I could imagine would be to have grey fur, sharp teeth and a long scaly tail.
     
    There were scampering noises in the hall, then the others emerged, like they’d just got up. Maybe they had.
     
    ‘Hello,’ said the one Eck had indicated as James. I was surprised by how neat he looked, given his surroundings. I wondered if he was gay or in the military. ‘Welcome. Is Eck showing you around? He’s a very good front man.’ The military then.
     
    ‘Well, we’ve done most of it,’ said Eck, knocking my last remaining hope that somewhere there was a huge conservatory-cum-sitting room-cum roof terrace that I just hadn’t been shown yet.
     
    ‘Excellent!’ said James. ‘Tea?’ Then he too glanced at the cup situation. ‘Er.’ He made the same helpless motion Eck had.
     
    ‘No, thank you, I’m just fine.’
     
    ‘Great. Excellent. A flatmate that doesn’t drink too much tea . . .’
     
    ‘That’s definitely the kind of flatmate I am,’ I said.
     
    He looked at me closely now. I could tell he rather liked what he saw.
     
    ‘Well, OK then.’
     
    ‘Um, James,’ said Eck, who looked to be the kind of de facto leader of the flat. ‘Don’t you want to ask her any other questions?’
     
    James looked cornered. ‘Uh, Eck, she’s a lady .’
     
    ‘So?’
     
    James