Diary of a Mad Fat Girl by Stephanie McAfee Read Free Book Online Page B

to me, the
crowd agrees it’s a good one.
    It didn’t occur to me that everyone dining
on the patio over at Pier 57 could hear every word I said.
Obviously it didn’t occur to anyone else at Ethan Allen’s either
because no one brought it to my attention.
    I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around
to see Pete the Tire Man. He’s a cool little dude who has more
money than the bank, but you can’t tell it by looking at his
overalls and dusty mesh hat.
    “ Hey Ace,” he asks, “where’s ol’ Lilly
Lane at tonight?”
    “ Aw, I don’t know, Pete,” I shrug, “I
guess she’s at home.”
    “ Well, call her and tell her she’s
missing the party!” I assume by this interchange that word isn’t
out about the allegations against Lilly and, for some reason, I
feel a wave of relief. I look to Ethan for help.
    “ Hey Petey,” he hollers, “I talked to
her earlier and she’s watchin’ The Bachelorette tonight.” Ethan
winks at me and pours four shots of Jack Daniels.
    “ The what?” Pete asks and makes a
funny face.
    “ C’mon, Petey,” I grab him by the arm.
“Let’s dance.”
    Everyone drinks and laughs and has a good
time and Ethan drives Logan and me home. On the way, we rehash the
moment again and again when Ethan threatened to bust Rich Stack’s
other eye.
    “ Well, Ace, I’m sure glad there ain’t
no boxed bacon on your table out here tonight,” Ethan says, keeping
his hand on my hip. He holds my screen door open while I poke
around in my purse for my keys.
    “ Tell me about it, Ethan,” I say,
unlocking the door. “Tell Logan I’ll pick him up in the morning and
take him to school and we’ll do our best to get there on time so he
won’t get fired for riding with me.”
    “ Will do, Ace,” He kisses me on the
head and turns to go. “Good night, sweetheart.”
    I hear his cowboy boots clomping off the
porch and a second later, he peels out of my driveway like the true
blue country boy that he is. I imagine him and Logan laughing their
hillbilly asses off all the way down the road.
    13
    I pick up Coach Hatter Thursday morning and
we arrive at school ten minutes early. He goes to the gym for what
the rest of us call “Coach Coffee” and I go to my classroom where,
much to my dismay, I find Catherine Hilliard and her large ass
standing outside my door.
    “ In,” she hisses with through those
thin, crusty lips.
    “ Good morning, Mrs. Hilliard,” I say
and offer her a powdered donut as I walk past her into my
classroom. She declines. “You sure? They’re real good.” I pop a
whole one in my mouth.
    “ Sit,” she says, like I’m a
dog.
    “ I’d rather stand. Or I could roll
over, if you like.”
    I can see that really pisses her off
so I say, “Why don’t you have a seat? You look really tired and
it’s just, what?” I look down at my watch. “Seven fifteen. I’m here
ten minutes early! What ?!?”
    She glares at me and I decide sit on top of
my desk.
    “ You,” she says and points to me, “you
think you are so funny and so cool.”
    I nod my head in agreement and she
continues, speaking slowly, “As long as I have had the displeasure
of knowing you, you have conducted yourself like no one in your
entire life has ever taught you anything .”
    “ Are you talking about my mama?” I
ask, getting offended, “because she was a good woman and it would
be awful tacky of you to speak ill of the dead.”
    “ I am most certainly not talking about your mother, I am
talking about you,” she snarls her chapped lips. “You run around
and think you are so,” she pauses, “so entertaining with your mindless stupidity
telling everybody everything you know all the time. You
think-”
    “ Whoa now, Cathy,” I cut her off, “I
don’t like the direction this is going.”
    “ You humiliate yourself, yet you think
you’re so comical, well, let me tell you something-”
    “ When did I humiliate myself?” I ask
with a mouthful of doughnut. “Because I