expected. But I’m actually the one who made plans for us to, you know, sleep together.” I looked sheepishly at him. “Now I feel like I’m the one who’s put pressure on you .” I gnawed on my bottom lip feeling bad for putting him through this.
He barked out a laugh. “Oh, it’s no pressure on me at all, believe me.” He tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear and looked at me, his eyes beaming. “Listen, El. I love you. I do.”
I stared at him for a beat. “Di— did you just say that you love me?” I whispered. He nodded slowly, watching me.
He loved me?
Oh my God! He loved me!
My eyes teared up. “I love you too, Jag,” I confessed. “I think I always have.”
He chuckled pulling me into him, wrapping his arms tightly around me and tucking my head under his chin. He kissed the top of my head and rested his chin there again before he spoke. “That’s good because I feel the same. And I hope you understand what I’m gonna tell you. God, this will go against every fucking Mancode there is.” He moved back and rubbed a hand over his face then looked at me out of the side of his eyes, a little chagrined. “Hell, they’d probably revoke my Man Card if they heard what I’m going to tell you,” he mumbled. He sighed deeply before facing me full on. “But I wouldn’t try anything with you right now, El. You’re only sixteen. That’s so damned young.”
I sat up straight and pulled back from him at that. “It’s not that young. And I’ll be seventeen in two weeks,” I said indignantly, the humiliation of the situation making my stomach clench. Then a thought hit me that made my heart sink. “I’ll bet you had sex by the time you were sixteen,” I said quietly.
He sighed again. “It’s different for guys.” When my body went rigid and he sensed I was going to go all feminist on him, he said, “El, it really is. You know it is. Guys don’t get emotional about it like girls do.” His hand rested between my neck and my shoulder and he smoothed his thumb back and forth over my skin.
I narrowed my eyes at him before asking the dumbest question ever. “So how many girls have you slept with, Jag?”
His thumb stopped its movement and he frowned then looked away, the muscles in his jaw jumping. “Does it matter?”
“No, I guess not,” I mumbled, my heart taking a direct hit then. Why the hell had I even asked? Ugh. Now my imagination was gonna go wild thinking of who all he’d been with. Yay for me and my ridiculous questions.
“But, El, it’s different with you and me… With you I would get emotional.” He kissed me softly then rested his forehead against mine as he let that sink in.
And just like that, it was all better.
We only got to second base that night, and I was okay with that.
Chapter 7
I was seventeen when Jag broke my heart for the second time.
He’d finally decided that he’d play baseball at South Carolina University. Thirteen hours away. Thirteen hours away! I honestly didn’t know how I’d survive being away from him or being that far from him. The only consolation in his choice was that he hadn’t chosen Oregon State, which was thirty-two hours away. Although his being over half a day’s drive away from me was bad enough, if he’d chosen O-State, that distance would’ve totally made me freak out. But I loved him and didn’t want to stand in the way of his success, so I lied and told him that I was fine with everything and that I was so excited for him and hoped he did amazing. That kind of lying was okay, I told myself.
The day he signed his scholarship was crazy. The principal let all the classes go to the gym to watch and cheer him on. There was a table set up at center court for him and the head coaches of the high school team and the college team to sit at. His parents stood behind them, and it seemed as if every newspaper in the state had a sports writer there, their photographers clicking away like mad. His new college coach