Discworld 26 - The Thief of Time by Terry Pratchett Read Free Book Online Page A

out of the way”,' said Lu-Tze, carefully wrapping up his tools. 'I've never been very
venerable, except in cases of bad spelling.'
He looked around the saucers for the miniature shovel he used for glacial work, and couldn't
see it anywhere. Surely he'd put it down just a moment ago?
The novice was watching him with an expression of awe mixed with residual suspicion. A
reputation like Lu-Tze's got around. This was the man who had - well, who had done
practically everything, if you listened to the rumours. But he didn't look as though he had. He
was just a little bald man with a wispy beard and a faint, amiable smile.
Lu-Tze patted the young man on the shoulder in an effort to put him at his ease.
'Let us see what the abbot wants,' he said, unrolling the rice paper. 'Oh. You are to take me to
see him, it says here.'
A look of panic froze the novice's face. 'What? How can I do that? Novices aren't allowed
inside the Inner Temple!'
'Really? In that case, let me take you, to take me, to see him,' said Lu-Tze.
'You are allowed into the Inner Temple?' said the novice, and then put his hand over his
mouth. 'But you're just a swee- Oh...'
'That's right! Not even a proper monk, let alone a dong,' said the sweeper cheerfully.
'Amazing, isn't it?'
'But people talk about you as if you were as high as the abbot!'
'Oh, dear me, no,' said Lu-Tze. 'I'm nothing like as holy. Never really got a grip on the cosmic
harmony.'
'But you've done all those incredible-'
'Oh, I didn't say I'm not good at what I do,' said Lu-Tz:e, ambling away with his broom over
his shoulder. 'Just not holy. Shall we go?'
'Er ... Lu-Tze?' said the novice, as they walked along the ancient brick path.
'Yes?'
'Why is this called the Garden of Five Surprises?'
     
 
  
'What was your name back in the world, hasty young man?' said Lu-Tze.
'Newgate. Newgate Ludd, ven-'
Lu-Tze held up a warning finger. 'Ah?'
'Sweeper, I mean.'
'Ludd, eh? Ankh-Morpork lad?'
'Yes, Sweeper,' said the boy. The suddenly dejected tones suggested he knew what was
coming next.
'Raised by the Thieves' Guild? One of “Ludd's Lads”?'
The boy formerly known as Newgate looked the old man in the eye and, when he replied, it
was in the singsong voice of someone who'd answered the question too many times. 'Yes,
Sweeper. Yes, I was a foundling. Yes, we get called Ludd's Lads and Lasses after one of the
founders of the Guild. Yes, that's my adopted surname. Yes, it was a good life and sometimes
I wish I still had it.'
Lu-Tze appeared not to hear this. 'Who sent you here?'
'A monk called Soto discovered me. He said I had talent.'
'Marco? The one with all the hair?'
'That's right. Only I thought the rule was that all monks were shaved.'
'Oh, Soto says he is bald under the hair,' said Lu-Tze. 'He says the hair is a separate creature
that just happens to live on him. They gave him a field posting really quickly after he came up
with that one. Hard-working fellow, mark you, and friendly as anything provided you don't
touch his hair. Important lesson there: you don't survive in the field by obeying all the rules,
including those relating to mental processes. And what name were you given when you were
enrolled?'
'Lobsang, ven- uh, Sweeper.'
'Lobsang Ludd?'
'Er... yes, Sweeper.'
'Amazing. So, Lobsang Ludd, you tried to count my surprises, did you? Everybody does.
Surprise is the nature of Time, and five is the number of Surprise.'
'Yes, Sweeper. I found the little bridge that tilts and throws you into the carp pool...'
'Good. Good.'
     
 
  
'... and I have found the bronze sculpture of a butterfly that flaps its wings when you breathe
on it...'
'That's two.'
'There's the surprising way those little daisies spray you with venomous pollen...'
'Ah, yes. Many people find them extremely surprising.'
'And I believe the fourth surprise is the yodelling stick insect.'
'Well done,' said Lu- Tze, beaming. 'It's very good, isn't it?'
'But I can't find the