Discworld 27 - The Last Hero by Terry Pratchett Read Free Book Online Page A

like we started,” said Cohen. “One
last roll of the dice.” He tapped the keg again. “It's time.” he said,
“to give something back.”
“ ... nork. nork.”
“Shut up.”

Varieties of the Swamp Dragon

1 The Smooth Courser. Note elongation of the feems.
2 Rainkin's Optimist. Good-natured, seldom explodes.
     
 
   
3 The Nothingfjord Blue. Wonderful scales, but a tendency to
homesickness.
4 The Smooth-nosed Smut.
5 The Big-nosed Jolly. Frightened of shovels.
6 The Rough-nosed Smut (elderly male).
7 Wivelspiker. Excitable. Walks into windows.
8 The Quirmian Long-ear. Mild-natured, but needs daily exercise.
9 Spiked Oncer. Rare, needs much attention.
10 The Classic Smut. A very popular dragon in the traditional mould.
11 Golden Deceiver. Makes a good watch dragon; should not be allowed near
children.
12 Narrowed-Eared Smut. Nervous and therefore, short-lived.
13 The Lion-Headed Cowper. A large breed, easy to keep, but often
afflicted with skipiets.
14 Tomkin's Neurovore. Handsome, but highly explosive due to nerves.
15 Porpoise-Headed Cowper. A breed for aficionados.
16 The Retiring Smut. Not often seen.
17 The Golden Rharn.
18 Birbright's Smut. Morbidly afraid of spoons.
19 Birbright's Lizard. Rare mountain breed, flightless.
20 Tabby Cowper. Best of the Cowpers, now quite popular.
21 Silver Regal. A classic breed, popular in Sto Lat.
22 Jessington's Blunt. Rare and very stupid.
23 Jessington's Deceiver. Small and better behaved than the Golden.
Hoards pickle jars.
24 The Common Smut. The basic swamp dragon, familiar to all.
25 Pixy-faced Smut. Many congenital problem; for experts only.
26 The Flared Smut. Good with cabbage.
27 Homed Regal. Largely nocturnal, flightless, well-coloured, short
in the wouters.
28 Smooth Deceiver. Good-natured, suitable for the smaller home.
29 Big-nosed Smut. Seldom breeds true. Attracted to mirrors.
30 Guttley's Leaper. Flightless, but can exceed 30 mph running over open
ground.
31 Spike-nosed Regal. One of the most beautiful of the classic dragons.
Hates shoes.
32 Broken-faced Cowper. Seldom seen these days.
33 The Pique. Small, flightless, lives indoors. Eats only chicken and
furniture.
34 Curly-maned Slottie. Amiable, tendency to slimp, seldom explosive.
35 Avery's “Epolette”, typical of the many miniature shoulder dragons.
36 Bridisian Courser. Not a very special dragon at all.
37 ,38 Male and female Spouters, a breed that flies very badly but makes
a suitable pet for the less discriminating household. Explodes in the
presence of mint.

(from The Show Judges" Guide to Dragons, by Lady Sybil Ramkin, available
from the Cavern Club Press, Ankh-Morpork, at AM$20)
As night rays of light shone through holes and gaps in the tarpaulin,
Lord Vetinari wondered if Leonard was getting any sleep. It was quite
possible that the man had designed some sort of contrivance to do it for
him.
At the moment, there were other things to concern him. The dragons were
travelling in a ship of their own. It was far too dangerous to have them
on board anything else. Ships were made of wood, and even when in a good
mood dragons puffed little balls of tire. When they were over-excited,
they exploded.
     
 
   
“They will he all right, won't they?” he said, keeping well back from the
cages. “If any of them are harmed I shall be in serious trouble with the
Sunshine Sanctuary in Ankh-Morpork. This is not a prospect I relish. I
assure you.”
“Mr da Quirrn says there is no reason why they should not all get back
safely, sir.”
“And would you, Mister Stibbons, trust yourself in a contrivance pushed
along by dragons?”
Ponder swallowed. “I'm not the stuff of heroes, sir.”
“And what causes this lack in you. may I ask?”
“I think it's because I've got an active imagination.”
This seemed a good explanation. Lord Vetinari mused as lie walked away.
The difference was that while other people imagined in terms