Dispatches From a Dilettante by Paul Rowson Read Free Book Online Page B

of shadow broadcasting. That is to say that everything was run live but never broadcast to the public, the intent being to iron out technical glitches, get familiar with schedules etc. I was given the second half commentary of a Rugby League game at Headingley which, despite my inane ramblings, enabled me to move onto doing short reports from various sports fixtures around the area. This was rock bottom in the broadcasting food chain but enabled me to see Football, Cricket, Rugby League, Boxing and Motor Sport at close quarters and interview the leading lights of each.
    Budgies could be taught to do sports interviews which are mostly bland in the extreme, formulaic in structure and offer no real insights. “You must very pleased/disappointed/gutted with the result” is usually about as good as it gets. The footballer Frank Worthington was a pleasurable exception. In the corridors by the changing rooms at Elland Road, home of Leeds United, he looked utterly bored as I fiddled with my tape recorder while asking him the first probing question. The conversation went as follows:
    “Frank…tell me about the goal you scored – was it an easy header?”
     
    “Well it was actually….as the ball came across I leapt like a young salmon swimming upstream and flicked it in”
     
    At last a footballer who saw how bland post game interviews were and sent the whole format up with genuine wit. It would have been even better if I had correctly operated the ‘on’ switch of the tape recorder in order to record this gem. It was such a rarity to get a memorable quote and I heard a second one the same day when TV showed a clip of an interview with the famous American quarterback Joe Nameth. When asked whether he preferred Astroturf to grass Joe gave the immortal, and for American TV daring, reply ‘I don’t know I’ve never smoked Astroturf’.
    Later in the radio car at Dewsbury Rugby League and without the aid of a technician I commentated for a good twenty minutes, with what I felt was a growing authority and gravitas to precisely nobody, having not heard correctly in my headphones that they were going to another game. When I did reach a modicum of competence and said at one match, “and Hopkins converted the kick with consummate ease”, I received a major bollocking in my headphones about using ‘poncy’ language.
    At best local radio is a low budget operation, which made the coverage of the 1982 Rugby League Cup final replay at Elland Road both an opportunity to cover a genuinely big event on the doorstep, but also an additional stretch on expenditure. I was deputed to be outside the ground standing by the radio car interviewing fans to get the pre match atmosphere. NBC of America were covering the game for their ‘Wide World of Sports’ programme and they arrived in a limo wearing bright yellow monogrammed sports jackets and had with them more support staff than you could shake a stick at.
    They looked disdainfully at our little operation as they swept past us and disembarked from the limo displaying the confident aura of the big timers that they undoubtedly were. I later learned that their commentary team included Lyn Swann, one of the greats of American Football, whose elegant performances as a wide receiver were matched later by his ease and articulate nature as a TV sports anchor and latter day republican politician.
    Meanwhile our one overweight, disinterested and frankly lazy ‘techie’ had eventually grabbed what he confidently assured me was a player for me to interview. What followed may well have been the first attempt to interview a non English speaking Moroccan Rugby League player on air and produced monosyllabic responses that must have had listeners switching off in droves. It wasn’t helped by the fact that I could see our ‘techie’ doubled up with laughter as I blundered on.
    D-list ‘stars’ were wheeled into the studio for in depth interviews. Presenters with little talent interviewed