Doctor Proctor's Fart Powder by Jo Nesbø, mike lowery Read Free Book Online Page A

and sticking it into his mouth.
    â€œOkay,” the doctor said, looking at his watch. “We’ll start the countdown then. Seven. Six.”
    â€œDoctor Proctor … ,” Lisa said warily.
    â€œNot now, Lisa. Nilly, hop down from the table and stand over there so you don’t ruin anything. Four. Three,” the doctor continued.
    â€œHe didn’t use the teaspoon,” Lisa practically whispered.
    â€œTwo,” the doctor said. “What did you say, Lisa?”
    â€œNilly used that big tablespoon he ate his Jell-O with,” Lisa said.
    The doctor stared at Lisa with big, horrified eyes. “One,” he said. “Tablespoon?”
    Lisa nodded.
    â€œOh no,” Doctor Proctor said, running toward Nilly.
    â€œWhat now?” Lisa whispered.
    â€œSimple math,” Nilly yelled happily. “Zero.”
    And then came the bang. And if the earlier bangs had been loud, they were nothing compared to this. This was as if the whole world had exploded. And the air pressure! Lisa felt how her eyelids and lips distorted as she was peppered with dirt and pebbles.
    When her eyes settled back into place, the first thing Lisa noticed was that the birds had stopped singing. Then she noticed Doctor Proctor, who was sitting in the grass with a confused look on his face. The leaves from the big pear tree wafted down aroundhim as if it were suddenly fall. But she didn’t see Nilly. She looked to the right, to the left, and behind her. And finally she looked up. But Nilly was nowhere to be seen. Then the first bird cautiously started singing again. And that’s when it occurred to Lisa that she might never, ever see Nilly again and that that would actually be almost as sad as Anna having moved to Sarpsborg.

The Fartonaut
    WHEN NILLY SAID “zero,” he felt an absolutely wonderful tickle in his stomach. It was as if the fart was a giant, burbling laugh that just had to get out. Sure, he had seen Lisa’s worried expression and Doctor Proctor coming running toward him, but he was so excited that it hadn’t occurred to him thatsomething might be wrong. And when the bang came, it was so delightfully liberating that Nilly automatically shut his eyes. The previous farts had been short explosions, but this one was more drawn out, like when you let the air out of a balloon. Nilly laughed out loud because it felt just like he’d blasted off from the ground, like he was an astronaut who’d been shot up and propelled into space. He could feel the air rushing past his face and hair and it was as if his arms were being pressed in against his body. It felt totally real. And when Nilly finally opened his eyes, he discovered that it was very real in reality too. He blinked twice and then he understood that not only was it very real, it was utterly, incredibly real. It was as if he were sitting on a chair of air that was shooting upward. The blue sky arched above him, and below him he saw a big cloud of dust in what looked like a tiny copy of Doctor Proctor’s garden. The fart howled like a whole pack of wolves, and Nilly realized he was still going up, because the landscape down below was starting to look like a smaller and smaller version of Legoland.

    Then the fart turned into a low rumbling, the chair of air disappeared from underneath him, and for just a second Nilly felt like he was totally weightless. A crow turned its head as it flew by, staring at him with astonished crow eyes.
    Nilly tipped forward and then felt the descent begin. Headfirst. Slowly at first, then faster.
    Uh-oh
, Nilly thought, no longer finding any reason to smile.
Hockey helmet or not, I’m never going to survive this.
    Legoland got bigger and bigger, and with perilous speed it started to resemble the Cannon Avenue that Nilly had just left. And things very surely would have gone really badly for our friend Nilly if he hadn’t been such a quick-witted little guy and remembered what it was that