happiest when she was around my father, so I made sure she was able to spend time with him alone whenever he visited. When my parents were together, their happiness was infectious. Everyone around them smiled because they looked so in love. I loved seeing them together because whenever my father was around, our lives felt complete.
I was glad my father was going to be dropping in and out for two months. I would be able to spend more time with him, and my mother would smile without pain in her eyes.
The only time I saw my mother happy—besides the times my father came to visit—was when she was with me. I was the center of her universe. She lit up when she talked about fashion because she loved it, but whenever I smiled or laughed, she automatically did the same.
It was the same for my father when he was with me. He loved when I was happy. Every time he came to visit, he constantly tried to make me laugh. I loved seeing them happy, too, so I attempted to do whatever would bring them happiness. Going back into my room, I didn’t think much of my pain. Instead, I was delighted with my father’s pride in my training skills.
I’d trained with Logan for years. The first time Logan handed me a gun, although it had been empty, I freaked out. We started my training with paintballs and empty guns until I was ready to train with a real gun. I didn’t understand then why I had to learn to use those weapons just because of my father’s work, but now I did—the world was a battlefield, and I was born right in the middle of it.
Now I could hold any weapon without flinching. Training with Logan wasn’t something my mother was happy with, especially when it came to guns, but she couldn’t forbid me to learn because she agreed that I needed to be able to defend myself. However, she herself never trained. I suspected it was due to her aversion to weapons.
The scariest thing about knowing how to use all those weapons was how much I was always tempted to put my knowledge of them to the test. I didn’t share this desire with my mother. What she didn’t know wouldn’t kill her.
INNOCENCE
“ We live and learn to share good laughs.
We try and we cry to play sad songs.
We stay and we go to say goodbyes.
And we hate and love to share memories.”
Melody Manful
“ A bby, is everything all right up there?”
Crap. “Yes, Mom, I’m almost done!” I jumped off my bed and hurried into my walk-in closet. For some reason, my body wasn’t hurting anymore from training the previous night.
My mother was launching her pre-spring collection, an addition to her fashion line Cells . Although I knew she was still sad that my father left, she wasn’t about to miss the after-party. She asked me to get ready for the party, but instead I took a shower, called my friends, and rushed into bed to read Romeo and Juliet for the millionth time.
I grabbed the first dress I saw upon entering my closet. I was in luck; I had retrieved a red, short Alexander McQueen dress. I tugged it on and then snatched a pair of black Christian Louboutin pumps from a shelf and rushed into my bathroom. I quickly brushed my hair, slipped into the heels, and dashed out of my room as fast as I could.
“ I know you don’t like crowds, honey, but please smile for me tonight,” my mother said when I came downstairs. She stood together with one of my bodyguards, Ben, who was a dapper thirty-three-year-old with thinning blonde hair. Ben clutched a camera in his hand.
“ Mom, I’m happy for you,” I said, repeating a response I’d said so many times before. I hated being famous and having to smile and pose for the paparazzi, not to mention being an accomplice to their cheesy fake stories. Sometimes I wished I could trade places with a regular person, but then I remembered that I should be grateful for what I had.
“ Smile, Abby,” Ben said as he snapped a picture of my mother and me. “You look beautiful,” he added, and my smile disappeared.
The
Mary Downing Hahn, Diane de Groat