Don Quixote, Which Was a Dream by Kathy Acker Read Free Book Online Page B

noun, fear. This kind of time or the world makes human fear.
    Common time's other or enemy is death. Is is bounded by death. So the other of is is be without in the present tense.
    Since the past is like the present in this time model, lines five and six, death or absence also destroys memory. Here's another reason I'm afraid.
    Since the only certainty I can have in common human time is that which has to be most feared - the end of time -, all I can feel is more and more pain.
    The second temporal model begins with human will, when I will to enter the realm of death. Line seven. This is exactly what I can't do, the antithesis, the necessarily imaginary.
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    Because we're apart, our sex because it has to continue, is false, imaginary. Line nine. Love makes me dare. I'm coming, masturbating, in the darkness. Line ten. Blind. Because I love you I want to die. My main verb is orgasm in the mythological past tense; in the realm of blackness the mythological's more powerful than the temporal present. (What is the time model of my will?)
    If I've died to you am dead, who am I? Because I love you I've destroyed myself: I'm you. Lines eleven and twelve. Love destroys common time and reverses subject and object; the verb acts on itself; I'm your mirror; identity's gone because there's no separation between life and death. Line twelve. The final model of time is that the mirror reflects the mirror: time is our love.
    But my whole body's aching and I'm crying uncontrollably every night because you're not here:
    Now all tenses and moods, may come had given, like and equal to all other phenomena appear out of nothing or death, line eighteen, which is also the ideal, lines fifteen and sixteen. But my whole body's aching and I'm crying uncontrollably every night because you're not here:
    Now all tenses and moods, may come had given, like and equal to all other phenomena appear out of nothing or death, line eighteen, which is also the ideal, lines fifteen and sixteen. But my whole body's aching and I'm crying uncontrollably every night because you're not here, lines nineteen and twenty. The subjunctive tenses grammatically reflect this new model of common time: change is time.
    I'm fighting the phenomenal that has to happen. I'm scared. Line twenty-one. So all the verbs are now subjunctives; all verbs are change. Again: loving you is making me feel pain. The final verb, is changed, grammatically reflects its opposite in content: the mirror. Time: love or fusion exists side by side with change:
    I want you. That's all I can think. This is our absolute present. Line twenty-six.
    Time is Pain
    last night I couldn't sleep at all, then I woke up in a sweat though I wasn't crying tears fall from my eyes. I'm
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    in pain I phone I want to suicide you
    over and over again my brain revolves you
    focus obsession I see nothing else. You're my world
    blindness' opening my heart. This 'love'
    between us (your name) to me is blood.
    Everywhere you slept you touched you came
    in this house is your blood.
    I would do anything to fall asleep. At night. But as
    each dream passes
    each absolute reality shows itself temporary
    I obsess you. At times I hurt
    like hell. At times I'm dead. Every other night
    there's been a morning when I can
    stand up from this bed.
    Now there's only night: each night
    unnatural is the ornament of your blood.
    Time Is Made By Humans
    I hope there's some relief writing
    this you: otherwise, none. I've never felt such pain.
    Day after day pain after pain how do
    I count these days? It's pain to count.
    Pain to have a mind.
    Worst: at the moment when sleep's ease should come,
    (no coming, no you.) and thoughts are loosened,
    but I don't want these thoughts.
    I phone: I don't like life.
    So stopping the mind up, no
    life no utterance, jail within jail within
    jail, what can days dates
    time matter? Only this ease
    of verbally sobbing out ugliness.
    3. Scenes Of Hope And Despair
    The girl's happy because she knows the man she loves's