Down the Rabbit Hole by Juan Pablo Villalobos Read Free Book Online Page A

bit true. That’s why I liked this joke so much: because it wasn’t really a joke. Everyone knows pink rabbits don’t really exist.
     
    The good thing about the edge of extinction is that it’s not extinction yet. Today we finally found the Liberian pygmy hippopotamuses. And I wasn’t even wearing a hat. My head was bare and I was taking the cold like a man. There were two Liberian pygmy hippopotamuses and their ears were just how I imagined them: minuscule like the bullets from a tiny little gun. When we saw them they were in a muddy swamp eating the weeds. They were such nice animals to look at, as if they were the children of a pig and a walrus. Or a pig and a manatee. John Kennedy Johnson shot them with a special rifle with sleeping bullets. The bullets from this rifle are injections with a poisonous substance that puts animals to sleep so you can capture them. The injection got one of the Liberian pygmy hippopotamuses in the back. It got the other one in the neck. After a few seconds the Liberian pygmy hippopotamuses lay down on their sides and fell asleep. John Kennedy Johnson, Martin Luther King Taylor, Franklin Gómez and Winston López lifted them into the cages in the back of the pickup truck. Even though they’re pygmies they weigh lots of kilograms, easily more than 1,000, which is a tonne. Then we bounced all the way back to the Mamba Point Hotel in the jeep. Our pygmy hippopotamuses were taken to the port of Monrovia to be put on a pirate ship to go to Mexico. But they’ll take a long time to get there, four months or more. Because you can’t go straight from the port of Monrovia to the port of Veracruz. You have to stop in lots of cities before you get to Mexico.
    We’re going to leave soon, too. Winston López ordered Franklin Gómez to investigate what had happened in Mexico over the last few days, to look for some news about a man called El Amarillo. Franklin Gómez went to use the Mamba Point Hotel’s computer and when he came back he just said:
    ‘Uh-huh.’ And Winston López laughed in a really strange way.
    I think this means we can leave now.
     
    The most important thing now is that our Liberian pygmy hippopotamuses arrive safely in Mexico. That’s why we have to plan everything scrupulously and give detailed instructions. The bales of alfalfa our Liberian pygmy hippopotamuses will eat during the journey must be immaculate, with no infections. I calculate each hippo will eat a bale a day, or more. We’ve also given orders for them to be fed apples and grapes, which they really like. I made a list: twenty apples and thirty bunches of grapes a day. Per head. Mix up the alfalfa, apples and grapes to make gigantic salads.
    Franklin Gómez translated the list of instructions into English and we gave it to John Kennedy Johnson so he can give it to the pirates. John Kennedy Johnson says we were really lucky, because we caught a male and a female. The list also says they should wash our Liberian pygmy hippopotamuses three times a week and clean their minuscule ears. Speaking of food, Azcatl’s going to be happy when he sees our Liberian pygmy hippopotamuses, because they’ll help him get rid of the weeds in the garden of our palace.
    Franklin Gómez asked me if I’d thought of any names for our Liberian pygmy hippopotamuses yet. This was a secret I hadn’t told anyone, not even Miztli, who’s really good at keeping secrets. I thought if I told anyone it would be bad luck and I’d never have a Liberian pygmy hippopotamus. The problem was I’d only thought of one name. I hadn’t thought of two names, because I didn’t think I’d have two Liberian pygmy hippopotamuses. Now it wasn’t just about choosing another name. The two names had to sound good together. So I spent ages thinking, making combinations, and writing them all down in a list.
    In the end I chose the names I still liked after repeating them 100 times. It’s a foolproof test. You repeat something 100 times and if you still