Dramocles: An Intergalactic Soap Opera by Robert Sheckley Read Free Book Online Page B

describing?
    “I have blue eyes and black hair,” the girl said. “My name is–”
    “Not so fast,” Vitello said. “No names. You’re just a servant girl. You are supposed to get me my wine and then never be heard from again.”
    “I know that’s how it’s supposed to be. But give me a chance, huh?”
    “A chance? Listen, girl, I don’t run things around here. I don’t even know if I get to continue in the tangled fortunes of the Dramocles family. I’ve got a full-time job just staying in existence. Let me tell you something: Chuch doesn’t really need me. He thinks he does just now, but I actually serve no purpose. I’m just around to feed him straight lines. I’ll probably get killed off before anything interesting happens.”
    “I’m aware of that,” the girl said. “But don’t you see? If we work together, then there are two of us. Together we can make a loosely related subplot. That would make us a lot harder to dispose of.”
    Vitello was unconvinced. “The Dramocleids can dispose of entire armies, whole planets. It’s their world, their truth, their reality. They’d throw out your wretched little subplot without mercy.”
    “Not if we can be of use to them. I have a plan which will further our existence.”
    “A serving girl’s fantasy!” Vitello sneered.
    “You ought to realize by now,” the girl said, “that I am something more than a servant. More to the point, I am the possessor of secret information concerning Dramocles’ destiny.”
    “What is it?”
    “Not so fast. Are we going to pool our resources?”
    “I suppose so,” Vitello said. “Quick, before someone important enters the narrative, tell me what you look like.”
    “I am above the middle height for women, black-haired and blue-eyed, with firm round young breasts like oranges, splendid thews, and an ass that would make an angel weep.”
    “You’re not afraid to recommend yourself,” Vitello grumbled. But he looked at her and saw that these things she said were true. He noticed other details also, but he was damned if he was going to waste his time thinking about them.
    “My name is Chemise,” the girl said. “I think you should marry me. Then I’d have a legal relationship in the story.”
    “Many you?” Vitello asked.
    “Did someone say marry?” boomed a cheerful voice to Vitello’s rear. He turned and saw that a priest had entered the room. The priest was a fat, ungainly man with a red face and a bulbous nose and a breath that stank of whiskey. Trailing behind him were two nondescript witnesses.
    “You really don’t miss a trick,” Vitello said admiringly.
    “A smart supernumerary has to move fast if she wants a chance at the main action,” Chemise said. “May I introduce you to my mother?”
    Vitello turned and saw that an elderly gray-haired woman had appeared from nowhere. “Wow,” Vitello said, shaking her hand.
    “I’m so sorry my husband couldn’t be here today,” Chemise’s mother said. “He’s off on an apparently innocent junket to Glorm in the company of two of his old buddies from the Secret Service who happen to be disaffected school buddies of King Dramocles.”
    “You don’t waste any time, either,” Vitello commented. “Permit you a commonplace and you produce a complication.”
    “I could tell you something stranger than that,” Chemise’s mother said. “Just yesterday, while eavesdropping on the palace telephone, I heard–”
    “Shut up, Mother,” Chemise said. “This is my chance, not yours. Fade out gracefully now and I’ll see if I can find something for you later.”
    “You always were a good daughter,” Chemise’s mother said. “Why, I remember–”
    “One more word and you make me make myself an orphan,” said Chemise.
    “Don’t you go getting huffy with me , young lady,” Chemise’s mother said. But she hastily faded until she was indistinguishable from the brown-gray curtains that depended from the smoke-filled rafters of the dimly lit