Dumb Clucks by R.L. Stine Read Free Book Online

said. “We’re totally psyched about our overnight on an actual farm.”
    His mouth dropped open. “Overnight? On a farm?” He shook his head. “How come no one ever tells me about these things?”
    He walked off muttering to himself.
    â€œOvernight?” Belzer asked. “Bernie, we’re going on an overnight to a farm?”
    â€œOf course not!” I said. “I made that up. Why would we go on an overnight to a farm?”
    Â 
    FLASH!
    Â 
    There it was. Another brilliant idea.

Chapter 19
D ON’T C ATCH THE P LAGUE !
    That night I called the local farm and ordered one hundred live chickens. I didn’t buy them. I just borrowed them.
    Why did I borrow a hundred chickens?
    What were they for?
    Where did I plan to put them?
    Questions, questions. Easy-to-answer questions— if you have a brilliant brain for scheming and plotting.
    And do you know anyone who schemes and plots as well as Bernie B.?
    What were my assignments from HeadmasterUpchuck? Keep the school calm and quiet for a week. And raise a ton of money for Parents’ Day refreshments.
    Well…the best way to keep the school calm and quiet was to put an end to the chicken-duck-pigeon war. And maybe someone—namely ME—could put an end to the war and make a lot of money at the same time.
    That’s where the chickens came in.
    Are you following me so far?
    Well, I called a Rotten House dorm meeting to clue my friends in.
    The guys all made their way into the Commons Room, our living room. It took only ten or fifteen minutes for them to fight over who got the couch. Feenman and Crench stood against the wall, making each other flinch.
    Mrs. Heinie was out hanging with the motorcycle gang she rides with every week. So the coast was clear for planning and scheming.
    â€œDudes, we’re gonna end the war,” I started.
    â€œStupid Chicken rules!” Beast declared. He tore off a wooden chair arm and began chewing bigchunks out of it. “Stupid Chicken RULES!”
    â€œThe Duck is YUCK! The Duck is YUCK!” They all began to chant. “The Duck is YUCK! The Duck is YUCK!”
    After an hour or so, they began to get tired of the chant. So I started again.
    â€œDo you know the Nyce House dudes are having a big dance party?” I asked.
    They stared at me.
    â€œNo. You don’t know about it,” I said. “Because none of us are invited. It’s in the gym on Friday night. They have a dj and everything. Sherman and his pals invited girls from the Girls’ Dorm. But we’re not allowed in!”
    Feenman rolled his eyes. “Like we would go to their stupid party anyway,” he muttered. “Hang out with those dudes, you get cooties.”
    â€œYou get rabies!” Crench said.
    â€œNo. You get Booblonic Plague,” Billy the Brain said.
    â€œExcuse me?” I said. “What’s Booblonic Plague?”
    â€œIt’s like a disease,” Billy said. “It’s way dangerous. It rots your booblonic.”
    â€œI had it once,” Beast said. “Made my hair itch like crazy!”
    â€œListen, I’ve got more to tell you guys,” I said. “Can you guess the theme of the Nyce House party? It’s Drastic Duck.”
    â€œThe Duck is YUCK! The Duck is YUCK!”
    They started chanting again. I had to wait another hour for them to get worn out.
    â€œI think it’s time to put an end to Drastic Duck and the whole war,” I said finally. “I promised Headmaster Upchuck calm and quiet. And we’re gonna get calm and quiet—by starting the biggest, noisiest riot in school history!”
    â€œSounds like a plan,” Billy the Brain said. He flashed me a thumbs-up.
    â€œI’ve ordered a hundred live chickens,” I said. “Listen up, dudes. Here’s what we’re going to do with them….”

Chapter 20
I T T URNS INTO A S URPRISE P ARTY
    Friday night. The Nyce House party in the