Dying For A Chance by Amy H. Allworden Read Free Book Online

sure of was that I was severely messed up and my bizarre reaction to Nic wasn't helping. I decided to do something stupid. I can't explain why I did it, it's the one thing I wish I could take back. But, there you go, that's life. You don't always know the right door when it's banging away in front of you.
                “Nic” His cool hands dropped down to hold mine and the look in his eyes was playful. I coughed a little to clear my throat from the crying and tried not to look straight at him. “Is there...I mean, could I have some time on my own?”
                He nodded his head “Of course, of course... I'll give you a few minutes”
                “No, wait.” He stopped mid-turn. “I mean. Longer than a few minutes...Is there someplace you can go? Do you have to stay here?” I started to regret the way that had come out. My stomach knew I was being awful and spun to make me pay for it but I didn't listen. Nic looked down at his chair, his hands opened and closed a few times.
                “Yeah” He spun his chair towards the window without looking at me and seemed to disappear in between the rays of light. I tried to call after him but it was too late.
                “I didn't mean....don't...” he was gone, “I'm sorry” I whispered. I hoped he had heard.

Chapter 6
     
                The next few days I didn't see anything of Nic, not a whisper or a laugh. I missed his jokes and the way we teased each other. The nurses were nice enough but they were either burnt out or didn't have time to sit and humor an invalid. I found myself growing bitter and cold at life. It wasn't right, I see that now. It wasn't anyone's fault but I had the feeling that life owed me something. The day Nic left I began a mental catalog of all the injustices in my life and totaled them up against all the good experiences. After a childhood of lowered expectations I sort of assumed that the rest of my life would at least meet some of my standards. So, I was in a puddle of self pity the next time I saw Dr. Swaresh with Dr. Psychiatrist in tow.
                They beamed at me from the door and I silently wished that her silver spectacles would slide all the way off her nose causing her to trip and shoot the clipboard across the room taking out the stack of nutrient drinks sitting by my bed in a fantastic accident. I would laugh and Dr. Swaresh would tell her to take the rest of the day off. Her spectacles didn't slip. Mark that down as another fail for fate.
                “How are you feeling?” Dr. Swaresh tried to make that sound hopeful, as if he didn't spend three fourths of his day asking that same question over and over.
                “I'm good” for a split second I hoped that Nic would turn up behind Dr. Swaresh just to mock him. He didn't come.
                “I wanted Dr. Gannushkin to join us today while we discussed our options.” he nodded his head toward me to indicate that it was my choice whether she stayed. I might not like her but I hate being rude so I nodded back that it was ok with me.
                “Last time we mentioned that there is a procedure we can attempt to remove the piece of metal near your spine.” I nodded to keep him talking and my stomach replied with a slow churn. I was a whiny person when I had a cold, what was I going to be like as a cripple? The Dr. continued.
                “What we will do is this.” he motioned with his hands while explaining the procedure, “we will make an incision near your ribs and remove some peripheral nerves. Then, we can attempt to remove the metal fragment that is gradually severing your spinal cord.” I must have turned a little green because the Dr. moved to the bed, offered me a drink of water and held my hand. His warmth gave me a little strength. When I looked a little more composed he moved on.