Eric by Terry Pratchett Read Free Book Online Page A

small stick—drove him insane and inspired the tribes to unite, terrorize their neighbors and bring forth upon the continent a new nation dedicated to the proposition that all men should be taken to the top of ceremonial pyramids and be chopped up with stone knives.” The King pulled his notes toward him. “Oh yes, some of them were also to be flayed alive,” he added.
    Quezovercoatl shuffled his feet.
    “Whereupon,” said the King, “they immediately engaged in a prolonged war with just about everyone else, bringing death and destruction to thousands of moderately blameless people, ekcetra, ekcetra. Now, look, this sort of thing has got to stop .”
    Quezovercoatl swayed back a bit.
    “It was only, you know, a hobby,” said the imp. “I thought, you know, it was the right thing, sort of thing. Death and destruction and that.”
    “You did, did you?” said the King. “Thousands of more-or-less innocent people dying? Straight out of our hands,” he snapped his fingers, “just like that. Straight off to their happy hunting ground or whatever. That’s the trouble with you people. You don’t think of the Big Picture. I mean, look at the Tezumen. Gloomy, unimaginative, obsessive…by now they could have invented a whole bureaucracy and taxation system that could have turned the minds of the continent to slag. Instead of which, they’re just a bunch of second-rate axe-murderers. What a waste.”
    Quezovercoatl squirmed.
    The King swiveled the throne back and forth a bit.
    “Now, I want you to go straight back down there and tell them you’re sorry,” he said.
    “Pardon?”
    “Tell them you’ve changed your mind. Tell them that what you really wanted them to do was strive day and night to improve the lot of their fellow men. It’ll be a winner.”
    “What?” said Quezovercoatl, looking extremely shifty. “You want me to manifest myself?”
    “They’ve seen you already, haven’t they? I saw the statue, it’s very lifelike.”
    “Well, yes . I’ve appeared in dreams and that,” said the demon uncertainly.
    “Right, then. Get on with it.”
    Quezovercoatl was clearly unhappy about something.
    “Er,” he said. “You want me to actually materialize, sort of thing? I mean, actually sort of turn up on the spot?”
    “Yes!”
    “Oh.”

    The prisoner dusted himself down and extended a wrinkled hand to Rincewind.
    “Many thanks. Ponce da Quirm,” he said.
    “Pardon?”
    “It’s my name.”
    “Oh.”
    “It’s a proud old name,” said da Quirm, searching Rincewind’s eyes for any traces of mockery.
    “Fine,” said Rincewind blankly.
    “We were searching for the Fountain of Youth,” da Quirm went on.
    Rincewind looked him up and down.
    “Any luck?” he said politely.
    “Not significantly, no.”
    Rincewind peered back down into the pit.
    “You said we ,” he said. “Where’s everyone else?”
    “They got religion.”
    Rincewind looked up at the statue of Quezovercoatl. It took no imagination whatsoever to imagine what kind.
    “I think,” he said carefully, “that we had better go.”
    “Too true,” said the old man. “And quickly, too. Before the Ruler of the World turns up.”
    Rincewind went cold. It starts, he thought. I knew it was all going to turn out badly, and this is where it starts. I must have an instinct for these things.
    “How do you know about that?” he said.
    “Oh, they’ve got this prophecy. Well, not a prophecy, really, it’s more the entire history of the world, start to finish. It’s written all over this pyramid,” said da Quirm, cheerfully. “My word, I wouldn’t like to be the Ruler when he arrives. They’ve got plans .”

    Eric stood up.
    “Now just you listen to me,” he said. “I’m not going to stand for this sort of thing. I’m your ruler, you know…”

    Rincewind stared at the blocks nearest the statue. It had taken the Tezumen two stories, twenty years and ten thousand tons of granite to explain what they intended to do to the