Escape From Hell by Larry Niven Read Free Book Online Page B

told you about Lester. He was an atheist, sometimes militantly so, but he wrote about good and evil, and he had a pretty strict code of ethics. His wife was a Jew fascinated by Catholicism. I think Lester was raised Catholic once, but it didn’t stick. I was pretty sure I could talk him into coming with me.
    “Allen, this is the most interesting place I have ever seen,” Lester said. “Let me show you the Universe!” He pointed toward the big building on the hill.
    “I saw it,” I told him. “And yes, I’m tempted. I’ve seen miracles elsewhere, too.”
    “Well, as to that, haven’t you ever thought of a miracle as a sign of something botched?”
    Rosemary said, “Botched? Miracles?”
    Lester turned to her. “Well, suppose Jesus didn’t order enough food for a banquet or something. Or — Think about this. Here’s God ready to run Paul of Tarsus to Damascus by noon tomorrow. He looks around and here’s Paul and his followers all in jail cells!” Lester’s voice deepened, echoed. “ ‘Oops! Now what? I’ll just open all these locks and hope nobody notices.’ ”
    Rosemary was giggling.
    “Or, say Jehovah has finally got the Jews out of Egypt. ‘And now it’s a clear shot to the Promised Land. I’ll have them there in five weeks. Have to feed them somehow, and — oops! I forgot about the Red Sea! What’ll I do now? The Pharoah’s army is coming right up their asses! This is going to be —’ ” Lester spread his arms theatrically, and his voice rolled. “ ‘Messy!’ ”
    Rosemary was helpless with laughter. So was half our audience. I looked around me. They weren’t threatening. Just the opposite.
    “All right, last time you threw me out. Now you look like you’re glad to see me. Why?”
    “The last time it was clear that you did not belong here.” The spokesman was the chap in the purple–bordered robe. He looked vaguely familiar, and I thought I might have seen a statue of him. Augustus? “Now it is not so certain. You have been everywhere, and made your way back here. Who are we to determine where you belong?”
    “Benito had been everywhere.”
    “We did not expel Benito. He went with you.”
    “Oh.” That made sense, though I hadn’t seen it that way.
    “You may stay as long as you like,” Augustus said. “But your companion does not belong here. She has left her proper place in Hell.”
    Rosemary had been quiet, trying not to draw attention. “I do belong here! I was a pagan, and I was virtuous,” she wailed. “Well, usually virtuous!”
    “Clearly you were not judged to be so.”
    Rosemary looked around and caught sight of the woman in the rose–colored robe. “Can’t you help me? I wasn’t judged at all! I never had a trial. I died and woke up in the Vestibule. You can’t convict me without a trial!”
    One of the Greek philosophers chuckled. “You appeal to Aspasia for justice? But you are in Hell. Why should you find justice here?”
    “Yet we do find justice,” Aspasia said.
    Dante had said over and over that justice was this place’s reason for being. I asked, “Is it just that you be here?”
    Aspasia shrugged. “No one here objects. It is a kinder place than Athens.”
    “Do you have everything you want?” I asked.
    Lester chuckled. “More than I ever expected. We have knowledge, good companions, good conversation with smart people. I like it well enough.”
    “And you don’t want anything else?”
    Lester shrugged. “I miss my wife.”
    “She’s not here? Where?”
    Lester shook his head. “They don’t tell us.”
    “And you don’t regret not having a purpose? Some reason for being here? Some reason for being?”
    “I’d have to think about that,” Lester said. “I’m surprised enough that I’m here at all! And Allen, there’s so much to learn! I have friends, mathematicians, scientists, and there are so many things we didn’t know! Come see!”
    “But forever?”
    “The universe won’t last forever,” Lester