dressed. She made herself coffee that burned her tongue, and she forced down half a bagel so she could tell herself she’d eaten for the day. When her doorbell rang, she already had her hand on the knob, ready to leave. She opened the door before she remembered to look through the peephole. By then it was too late.
She drew in a breath, then slumped for a second or so. Defeated. There was only so much brave face a girl could be expected to put on, and she’d reached her limit. She’d passed her limit of “fuck-yous,” too, nothing left but silence. She stepped aside to let him in.
“I’m sorry,” was the first thing out of his mouth.
It was a good start, but she’d heard that from him before.
“You look like shit,” Simone told Elliott bluntly, looking him up and down. “Were you mugged?”
“Do you have any coffee?”
“It’s cold. I could make some.…”
He was already pushing past her and into the kitchen, helping himself to everything he needed. She watched him from the doorway at first, then came inside and sat at the table. She was going to be late for work. It had better be worth it.
“Your place looks nice.” Elliott stood with his back to the counter, where he’d turned on the coffeemaker.
“I cleaned it.”
“It looks good,” he said.
Simone kept her tone light and neutral, though she could feel herself frowning. “You don’t have to sound so surprised.”
“I’m sorry.” It was the second time he’d said it, and that surprised her.
Pleased her, too, though she didn’t want to admit it, not even to herself. When he came across the kitchen toward her, reaching for her, that surprised her more. Enough for her to shrink in her chair, putting herself just out of his grasp. He didn’t come closer.
Elliott rubbed at the spot between his eyes. He looked awful. No. He looked like a man who’d done something awful.
She didn’t want to feel bad for him. “What happened to you?”
If you’d asked her to list a thousand things she might’ve expected him to do, sinking onto his knees in front of her would not have been on that list, but that’s what he did. Elliott put his face into her lap, his strong hands pressing the outsides of her thighs. His shoulders heaved.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
She tried holding on to her anger, or at the very least, clinging to her sorrow, but when it came right down to it, Simone craved pain. She did not like to give it. Not even to someone who deserved it. She loved him. She didn’t want to hurt him.
There was nothing she could do but put her hand on top of his head. She sank her fingers into the thickness of his dark hair. She stroked it gently, then kneaded the back of his neck and shoulders, working at the knots of tension.
“What happened, Elliott? Tell me.”
For a horrible moment, she thought he was crying and wouldn’t be able to speak. Her own throat closed, tears burning behind her eyelids. She rubbed the spot between his shoulder blades, hating whatever had made him break this way.
He looked up at her. His expression was bleak, but he wasn’t crying. “My father got out of prison a few months ago.”
It didn’t seem like “congratulations” was the right response, so she stayed quiet. Elliott cleared his throat, not getting up from in front of her. His fingers slid between her thighs and the chair. He pressed his face again to her lap.
“My father was married to a woman named Molly. He was an asshole. He drank and ran around on her. He beat up on her. Not all the time, but more than once. Once is too much.”
Simone said nothing, letting him speak.
“He had an affair with my mother. She had me. My dad was never around much, even though he never made me a secret. If anything, he kind of flaunted me to Molly. Taking me to their house sometimes, parading me around like a trophy. But then he’d disappear for months at a time. Years. He left me with my mom, who had an