Every Young Man's Battle: Stategies for Victory in the Real World of Sexual Temptation: The Every Man Series by Stephen Arterburn Read Free Book Online Page B

commitment to Christ. She was a
    virgin—and I wished I were. As God continued to work in my life, Brenda
    and I married, honeymooned in Colorado, then settled into a new apartment
    building on the edge of a cornfield in a Des Moines suburb. Was this a little
    slice of heaven or what? I surely thought so.
    Time passed and, at
    first, I was feeling good. While I was once engaged to two women
    simultaneously, I was now happily married to one woman. While I once drowned in
    pornography, since my wedding day I hadn’t purchased a pornographic
    magazine. Given my track record, this was remarkable.
    I threw myself
    into my leadership roles at church, and my Christian image shined brighter and
    brighter. By worldly standards, I was doing great. With just one little
    problem. By God’s standard of sexual purity, I wasn’t even close to
    living His vision for marriage. Clearly I’d taken steps toward purity,
    but I was learning that God’s standards were higher than I’d ever
    imagined and that my Father had higher hopes for me than I had dreamed.
    It soon became clear that I’d stopped far short of holiness. There
    were the ad inserts, the double meanings, and the heat-seeking eyes. My mind
    continued to daydream and fantasize over old girlfriends. These were more than
    a hint of sexual immorality.
    When I confided in a close friend, he
    replied, “Oh, come on! Nobody can control his eyes and mind, for
    heaven’s sakes! God loves you! It must be something else.” But I
    knew differently.
    I finally made the connection between my sexual
    immorality and my distance from God. Having eliminated the visible adulteries
    and pornography, and having avoided physical adultery, I looked pure on the
    outside to everyone else. But to God, I had stopped short, and I’d
    ignored His voice repeatedly as He prodded me in these areas. I’d merely
    found a comfortable middle ground somewhere between paganism and obedience to
    God’s standard.
D ESPERATION S ETS I N
    God desired more
    for me. He’d freed me from the pit, but I’d stopped moving toward
    Him. I had stopped short. Having seen my distance from God, I decided it was
    time to begin moving closer again.
    I expected the journey to be easy.
    After all, I had decided once before to eliminate pornography and affairs, and
    those things were gone. I figured I could stop the rest of this sexual junk
    just as easily.
    But like the other men we spoke of earlier, I
    couldn’t do it. Every week I said I wouldn’t look at those ad
    inserts, but every Sunday morning the striking photos compelled me once again.
    Every week I’d vow to avoid watching R-rated “sexy” movies
    when I traveled, but every week I’d fail, sweating out tough battles and
    always losing. Every time I gazed at some glistening jogger, I’d promise
    never to do it again. But I always did.
    What I’d done was simply
    trade the naked photos of
Playboy
and
Gallery
for the
    sensuous ad inserts and other magazine ads. The sin remained because I’d
    never really changed, never fully rejected sexual sin, never escaped sexual
    slavery.
    A couple of months slipped by, then a couple of years. The
    distance from God grew wider, and my impurity still ruled me. My faith waned
    further with each failure. Each desperate loss caused more desperation. While I
    could always
say
no, I could never
mean
no.
    Something
    was gripping me, something relentless, something I couldn’t shake. And my
    friendship with Christ? Our relationship had changed. He hadn’t changed,
    but I had. I had stopped short of His standard, and I had stopped moving closer
    into intimacy. I’d said no in my spirit too often, and that stopped the
    flow of His inner power. I was in bondage.
    God’s standard is that
    we avoid every hint of sexual immorality in our lives. If we followed this
    standard, we would never experience sexual bondage. So we should be amazed that
    so many Christian guys are under that bondage.
    Our heavenly Father is
    amazed. Here’s