Exploits by Mike Resnick Read Free Book Online Page B

Baptisms and funerals done cheap.”
    “How would you like the opportunity to help me defeat Satan Incarnate, Reverend Jones?” he asked.
    “Satan Incarnate?” I repeated.
    He nodded his head vigorously.
    “He lives in Peking, does he?” I said.
    “Peking is his headquarters, but he has residences all over the world.”
    “How many residences?”
    He shrugged. “Fifteen, twenty, who can say?”
    Which made the odds fifteen or twenty to one that he wouldn't be at home today, and I got to thinking that maybe I could appropriate a few Satanic artifacts for the local pawn shop.
    “Sure,” I said. “Standing up to Satan is one of the very best things I do, me being a man of God and all.”
    “Excellent!” said the Englishman. “It's been a long, lonely battle. But with you on our side, we just might win.” He paused for a minute. “Allow me to introduce myself. I am Sir Mortimer Edgerton-Smythe.”
    “Please to meet you,” I said. “Who else is on our side?”
    “There's just you and me,” he said.
    “And how many are in the opposition?”
    “Who can say? Surely thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands. Perhaps millions. Have you ever heard of Doctor Aristotle Ho?”
    “Can't say that I have.”
    “He is the fiend who heads this secret organization,” said Sir Mortimer, his eyes blazing with hatred. “His father was a Grecian ambassador, his mother the daughter of a Chinese warlord. Nothing is known of his childhood. We do know that he spent three years practicing dentistry in Hangchou before he began his nefarious career by taking over the leadership of the local tong. From there he spread out, assimilating one criminal organization after another, until today he is the most powerful villain on the continent. His tentacles are everywhere, Reverend Jones. They reach not only into Peking, but to the capitals of Europe itself. He dreams of worldwide conquest, and he is more than halfway to his goal, and yet so careful has he been, so circumspect, that almost no one has ever heard of him.”
    “You've met this Doctor Aristotle Ho?” I asked.
    “Twice,” said Sir Mortimer. “The first time was in England, where I prevented him from stealing the Crown jewels. The second time was in Chunking, where I barely escaped with my life.”
    “I assume you're working for the British government?”
    “That's correct.”
    “Why don't you guys just march in an army or two and blow him away?” I asked.
    “We're operating in a foreign land, Reverend Jones,” he said. “We can't just send our troops in and destroy him. Our only hope is to prove that he is guilty of breaking international law, and then arrest him.”
    “And how do you plan to do that?” I asked.
    “The dragon is the key to it.”
    “Dragon?”
    “Doctor Ho keeps an enormous dragon on his estate,” began Sir Mortimer.
    “There ain't no such things,” I said. “They're just imaginary beasts, like dinosaurs and unicorns and honest redheads named Bernice.”
    “That's what I thought, too, until I saw it with my own eyes,” said Sir Mortimer. “But it exists, and it's the way we shall bring him down.”
    “You plan to feed him to this here dragon?” I asked curiously.
    He shook his head. “No,” he said. “Britain is a nation of laws. I intend to use the law to put an end to his villainy.”
    “How is a dragon gonna help you do that?” I asked. “I thought they didn't do much except eat knights and virgins and things like that.”
    “This dragon eats just about anything that moves,” answered Sir Mortimer. “The truck in which you were riding belongs to Doctor Ho; it was carrying hay and grain to fatten the cattle he feeds to the dragon. That's why I inspected it; I wanted to see if he was smuggling anything else into his fortress.”
    “You still ain't told me how the dragon is gonna cause Doctor Ho's downfall,” I said.
    “I'm coming to that,” said Sir Mortimer. “Every year Doctor Ho ships the dragon to a different city