hundred dollar bills from his wallet before tossing it near a police station as we rode past.
Eddie had also let me shoot his gun. My father was big into hunting, so I was used to them, but a handgun was way different than a rifle. We’d drive far into the foothills and I’d practice cleaning, loading, and shooting the gun. It was powerful , and it turned me on. I’d never tell anyone that, but Eddie knew I loved it.
Something told me that Esther wouldn't understand. I knew she wouldn’t, actually. She was content to have her husband and the child they were trying for. Hearing her talk about kids made me realize I wanted them someday, but in the meantime, I wanted that thrill and rush of adrenaline that only danger brought me.
I knew Eddie had big things in mind, and I wanted them all. We still only had those two precious hours between Wednesday Bible study and my ten o’clock curfew. It was maddening, but there was nothing I could do about it.
Esther and I talked, and she went on about visiting the Pacific Ocean. “It’s as deep blue as a marble, and Faith, it was so warm I never wanted to get out.”
Her words were breadcrumbs over the Rocky Mountains, through the desert, all the way to that glorious ocean that I couldn’t get out of my head. I couldn’t stay in Colorado Springs one more month, let alone however long my parents thought I would.
I made up my mind before I even got off the phone with Esther. If Eddie would go with me, I was heading to California. I knew he’d go. There was nothing tying him down, just like me. He didn’t talk much about his family, except for the lies he told my parents. With me, it was understood. He and I were one in the same.
I wanted to see Esther more than ever before. I wanted to see the ocean. Most of all, I wanted to get away from Colorado Springs and the crushing influence of my parents. They didn't understand me, and they had done all they could, but I was still lost from the flock. This one didn’t have a flock.
Eddie and I were going to spend the next Wednesday night having a serious talk. I just hoped he was up for something more adventurous rather than dangerous.
Wednesday came, another guest pastor came, and Bible study came. Jacob had learned after a month that he was no longer allowed to sit next to me. Eddie had an amazing way of expressing so much with just his eyes.
Jacob kept away from me, and I liked the feeling of Eddie protecting me, even more so when he did it in silence. He made me feel safe, warm, and loved with just a look. It was something that no one else noticed. My parents saw him as a friend of the family. If they knew what happened on those Wednesday nights, they’d never let me out of the house again.
My mother never brought up Eddie in any way besides being part of the church family. She still thought Jacob and I would get together (in the most Christian way possible) and live happily ever after. It just wasn’t meant to be.
I managed to sit through Bible study and ignore the raging hormones inside me. Eddie always managed to look so calm and cool during the talks. Carly Simmons had finally seen Eddie up close, and she was making it her mission to seduce him (in the most Christian way possible). He often forgot his Bible, and she was so kind to offer to share every time. She always invited him to sit right next to her, and she had begun to offer “one on one” talks about Jesus Christ. Give me a break.
Eddie always politely declined. It made me smile in a bitchy way that I enjoyed very much. My sister may have been the only one on the planet to know it, but I was Eddie’s and he was mine, and we didn’t have much longer in Colorado Springs.
“Have her home by ten o’clock.”
“Yes Mr. Vincini.”
It had been like that for over a month. It was always the exact same ending to the conversation outside the church. We’d get into the truck and head straight for our other lives as petty criminals getting our