Farm Boys: Lives of Gay Men from the Rural Midwest by Unknown Read Free Book Online Page B

pin and her kitchen always had the smell of something freshly baked. She was very warm and had a distinctive, contagious laugh. She enjoyed chatting with my dad as much as with my mom. We sort of adopted Minnie as an aunt or grandmother. In one sense people probably thought, “How strange, living all by herself,” but she waswell-liked and respected by the neighboring farmers. She knew a lot about farm life and about the area. I really admired the respect that she commanded, and I sometimes thought that I would like to live like she did.
    Many of these boys sought to strengthen their feelings of fitting in and being worthwhile, even though they didn’t fit the conventional gender-role picture very well, by striving to be “the best little boy in the world.” This common pattern of response to feelings of being a misfit was illustrated by author John Reid, who used the phrase as the title of his account of growing up gay, published in 1973. Typical elements of this “best little boy” response included exceptionally obedient and mature relations with parents and other elders, an earnest commitment to farm and household work responsibilities, above-average performance in school and other off-farm activities, and a devotion to religious belief and church involvement that often exceeded that of the parents. Richard Kilmer’s experience was characteristic of this response.
    From my earliest memory, I knew I was gay, so I always had this part of me that I had to hide. I thought if people knew, they would never think I was this wonderful person, so I overcompensated by being a dutiful son—getting good grades, being polite, not drinking, doing the things I was supposed to, going to church and being the altar boy. I felt it wasn’t fair that my mother would be out working on the farm and then she would have to come in and cook the meal while everybody else sat around. So I became her helpmate, setting the table and doing those kinds of things, even as I got older.
ISOLATION AND FREEDOM
    The freedom to get away on their own in the large, open spaces of the farm had great positive significance for many of these boys. For many of them as well, this freedom was accompanied by isolation from social contact with people outside their own families. The degree of isolation varied greatly, determined not only by the farm’s location in relation to neighbors and the nearest village or town, but also by the modes of transportation available and by the parents’ attitudes toward the value of activities that would afford their children social contact.
    Some boys were tied relentlessly to work responsibilities throughout their growing-up years; others had relatively few work responsibilities and were able to participate in outside activities quite freely. Some parents made an effort to overcome the geographical isolation of farm life for their children. Other parents, it seemed, were attracted to farming because it afforded a largedegree of social isolation, which may have been consistent with their own natures and what they considered appropriate for their children. For the boys who were most isolated, the influence of home life was inevitably intensified.
    Most of these boys lived in rural communities that were very homogeneous with regard to racial, ethnic, and religious heritage. Racism, religious intolerance, and a general suspicion of strangers were quite prevalent. Nonetheless, Tom Lewis said, “It was broadening to have grown up on a farm, which is ironic because I wasn’t exposed to great diversity there.” Tom, who grew up in northern Illinois and now lives in Chicago, attributed this broadening influence to having established a strong connection with the natural world, and having developed an appreciation for “the balance between humans, animals, and plants.”
    One of the fundamental characteristics of farming is that it deals with living, growing things and with the cycles of nature. The lack of human diversity in the