Feeling This by Heather Allen Read Free Book Online Page B

laughter gets louder with lots of squirming and pleading, “Kimber, no, no, no.”
    After a few minutes I stand up, reaching out to each of them ruffling their hair.
    “Hey guys, I’ll be back in to play a game right after I help your momma, okay?”
    Both boys nod and turn back to the T.V. showing the latest and greatest in cartoons. I can’t even keep up with all the shows these boys watch.
    Michael and Martin are twins that the Bruins had only five years ago. Mr. and Mrs. Bruin are a little old to be the parents of five year olds. She told me the doctors broke the news to them that they would never be able to have kids and they accepted it for a long time. But one day, right after her forty-fourth birthday, she discovered she was pregnant. 
    Before the boys she would visit with my momma every week and bring food over. After the boys though, she had a harder time coming over each week. When Jenna left she suggested I come over here instead. I think she knew that momma was getting worse and she wanted to save me a little. It works for me, I adore those boys and she’s not bad company.
    My home on the other side of town is nothing compared to this one. Momma and I live in a small two bedroom bungalow style house. One day, I keep telling myself, I’ll be able to live in a house like this one. It’s old and full of character that tells stories. The rickety staircase leading up to the bedrooms and real wooden floors full of scuff marks are only a couple of the things I love. Mr. Bruin has updated the kitchen with all the newest modern styles like granite countertops and new appliances. As I step into the room, I can tell Mrs. Bruin has her mind on things. She is concentrating on something and not acknowledging that I’m here. The counters are strewn with ingredients and she’s leaning over what looks like a recipe card.
    She turns around suddenly aware of my presence, “Kimber, can you get the flour and milk? We’re making pies today for the ranch hands.”
    I want to ask what’s on her mind but she seems busy. It’s best not to pester her at the moment. I know she has a lot of things going on with running a ranch this size.
     

Chapter Seven

     
    The sun beats down relentlessly on the back of my neck. I stand stoically taking anything it has to dish out. This is not a comfortable event and I deserve every bit of discomfort doled out on me. My mom has her arm wrapped around my back as if she knows I need her to hold me up. Susan’s mother whimpers on the other side of her, encompassed in Dan’s arms. My eyes focus unwavering on the long, white, smooth coffin hovering above the hole in the ground, waiting to swallow it up. As the priest utters his last prayer he turns and meets my glare. I take a deep breath and force my feet to move forward. As if not in control of my actions, unfeeling, I raise the white rose to my lips, kiss it and place it at the head of the coffin. As I back up, an onslaught of people including my parents and Susan’s walk forward mirroring my actions. I stand in my spot numb to reality. The only thing I can focus on is that my life is over. My Susan is gone, and it’s entirely my fault.
    ***
    After the funeral Susan’s parents host a gathering. It’s tough coming here, knowing she won’t come barreling down the grand staircase to see me. When we came back home from college, I found an apartment in the city. Susan’s mother, Rebecca, felt it was more appropriate that she live at home for the time being. I knew at some point she would move in with me, she was practically staying at my place every other night as it was. When we first came back though, I had to go through the motions of dating her. I would come over and wait while she finished getting ready. She would come down those stairs as fast as her little feet could carry her and just about plow me over every time, happy to see me as if it was the first time we laid eyes on one another. It was her way of rebelling against her