Femmes Fatal by Dorothy Cannell Read Free Book Online Page B

donate him to the Salvation Army at birth—without success. Such poisoned arrows never made a dent in my cousin’s armour, however. The world would learn the error of its ways when he made famous the family name. At one time he had planned to accomplish this as a rock star, but when Lord Olivier died, Freddy immediately felt there was an opening for him on the stage—sort of like an empty horse stall with his name above the door. Knowing that he really did count on my hearing him practice his lines,which I could see bunching out of his pocket, I thought about broaching Mrs. Malloy with the possibility of changing our appointment until tomorrow. But she read my mind and wasn’t having any.
    “Ready, Mrs. H, or do I return to Plan A?”
    Family discord is bread and butter to Freddy. And being a matey soul, he considers Mrs. M a member of our tribe. Eyeing us both, he practically smacked his lips at the prospect of digging into some dirt.
    “Ladies, please!” He leaned against the pantry door next to the broom—and really, the resemblance was amazingly strong. “The two of you are obviously up to something. The twins are absolutely agog, on the edge of their seats …” He paused to tuck his thumbs in his ears and wiggle his fingers at the twins, who squealed for an encore. “Tell Uncle Freddy. What’s this Plan A?”
    “Nothing important.” Now was not the time to remember that Mrs. M’s gun was still in my apron pocket.
    “What?” She scorched me with her eyes. “ Not important when I’m all gung-ho to kill meself over the man of me dreams and you talk me out of it—”
    “With Plan B!” Freddy was beaming from ear to ear. “Gosh darn, Ellie. This is the most fun I’ve had since I came off my motorbike last week and went floating halfway down the cliff. Come on, tell all to Papa Confessor.”
    Lifting Tam from his chair and pressing his sticky face to mine, I snapped, “What makes you think—”
    “Cousin, dear, I always know when you’re up to something. You get that priggish look on your face.”
    “Bloody hell! Tell him and be done with it.”
    “Yes, Mrs. Malloy.” I handed her Tam and squared off to face Freddy. “For your information, Mr. Nosy Parker, we have an appointment at one o’clock, barely fifteen minutes from now, with—don’t you dare laugh—Fully Female.”
    Freddy’s eyebrows shot up like a nosy neighbour’s windows. “That place? For state-of-the-art sex? Girls, you can’t! They’ll be steeping your minds in all sorts of bosh. Lesson one, students dear”—he mimicked a tutorial female voice—“an orgasm is not something nasty growing in your refrigerator.” Freddy’s grin now threatened to split his face in two. Good, it would save me the trouble! “Does Ben know?”
    “Not unless he has ESP.”
    Freddy took Tam from Mrs. Malloy as if we were playing a game of Pass the Parcel. His face sobered. “You and the boss aren’t having problems? You haven’t joined the ranks of newlyweds who become the newly deads, have you?”
    “Certainly not.” Avoiding his eyes, I watched Tam jiggle Freddy’s ponytail. “Mrs. Malloy and I thought it might be interesting to do some in-depth study into the marital arts, that’s all. We were on the verge of heading out the door when you walked in.”
    “Right. You were going to toss your pinny in the air, tuck a baby under each arm and go gamboling off—”
    “Enough!” I swallowed a mouthful of humble pie. “I had thought of asking you to watch Tam and Abbey, but by the time I got round to it …”
    “Here I was.”
    “Freddy, I am sorry about play practice.” I finished washing my hands at the sink and dried them on the last of the clean nappies.
    “And I’m sorry we’re going to be late.” Mrs. Malloy rolled down her leopard cuffs, gave her feather hat a twitch, and supply bag in hand, headed for the garden door.
    “Freddy, would you really mind awfully?” I gestured to Tam, whom he was still holding, and