he
shouldâve
said, he made Dennis and me promise to stay away from you.â She fixed me with her hazel eyes. âI keep thinking that if heâd lived a moment longer, heâd have told us he loved us too. But I guess weâll never know. Maybe it doesnât matter. He cared more about hurting you and your family than reassuring his own.â Her eyes were full of tears now, but she didnât blink and they didnât fall. âAnd so I said nothing.â
CHAPTER 7
I slept poorly again, plagued by nightmares of pirates and dead Guardians. A few times I woke up hungry. Once, Griffin was beside me. The next time, it was Ananias. I needed to take a turn at the wheel too, but I was so tired. So
empty
.
I woke with a start. The first light of morning filtered through the porthole. Ananias lay on his back beside me, hands raised, sparks spitting from his fingertips. Sometimes there were tiny flames too, but they flickered, like fire starved of oxygen. âThereâs a cup beside you,â he said. âYour daily ration.â
âDaily?â
âWell, Alice might give you extra. Because you skipped yesterdayâs meal, I mean.â
I almost laughed at that. It seemed funny somehow, which I guessed meant I felt better. But Ananias didnât smile at all. He just stared at his hands, transfixed.
The cup was half-full of almost-rotten fruit and stale grains. The water canister beside it was full, though.
âIs it good?â I asked, holding the canister.
âRose thinks so,â said Ananias.
âThinks?â
He shrugged. âStrange things are happening, Thomas. Our elements still work, just not the same as before.â
I was parched, so I drained it anyway. âHowâs Father?â
âAlive. Weâve been checking on him, but he hasnât eaten yet. Getting him to drink was hard enough.â
The words were spoken in monotone, as though he was holding something back. âWhatâs the matter, Ananias?â
He closed one hand and made a fist. âItâs my element. The echoâs fading little by little, but I have a headache. It gets worse every time I make a flame.â
âSo stop,â I said, groaning. âYou should be pleased to get rid of the echo. Everyone complains about it, how much it hurts. You and Eleanor always used to say itâs the price of having an element. Now you wonât have to worry about it anymore.â
âBut what if I never make fire again? What if this is the end of my element?â
âYouâre more than just your element.â
âAm I?â He opened the fist and channeled his frustration into a single large flame. It grew outward and then extinguished. He grimaced, either from exertion or because he wasnât able to keep the flame alive. âA week ago, I thought I knew everything. Now our colony has gone, my element is disappearing, and Eleanor wonât speak to me.â
âYou canât blame yourself for whatever happened to her.â I waited for a flicker of recognition that I had a point, but he just bowed his head. âHowâs she doing now?â
âNo one knows.â Another spark from his fingertip. Another frown. âWhen they threw us in that hold . . . the stench and the darkness . . . it was a living nightmare. No one spoke down there. I couldnât tell who was alive or dead.â He looked at me for the first time. âBut you rescued us. You saved us, and I thought that maybe everything would be all right. But itâs like she hasnât woken up from the nightmare yet. Sheâs still sleepwalking.â
âShe combined elements with you yesterday,â I pointed out between mouthfuls of fruit. âThatâs a good sign, right?â
Ananias pulled himself from the floor and leaned against the wall. Planks creaked underfoot. âShe didnât want to do it. Alice dragged her there. I think she
Learning to Kill: Stories