First Comes Baby...: The Loner's Guarded Heart by Michelle Douglas Read Free Book Online Page A

overturned her carefully laid plans.
    She lifted her head. ‘A father is so much more than an uncle, Ben. Being a true father demands more commitment than your current lifestyle allows for. A father isn’t just for fun and games. Being a father means staying up all night when your child is sick, running around to soccer and netball games, attending parent and teacher nights.’
    His hands clenched. His stomach clenched tighter. He’d stormed in here without really knowing what he was demanding. He still didn’t know what he was demanding. He just knew he couldn’t walk away.
    ‘Ben, what do you even know about babies?’
    Zilch. Other than the fact that they were miracles. And that they deserved all the best life had to give.
    ‘Have you ever held one?’
    Nope. Not even once.
    ‘Do you even know how to nurture someone?’
    He stiffened. What the hell...?
    ‘I don’t mean do you know how to lead a group safely and successfully down the Amazon, or to base camp at Everest, or make sure someone attaches the safety harness on their climbing equipment correctly. Do you know how to care for someone who is sick or who’s just feeling a bit depressed?’
    What kind of selfish sod did she think him?
    His mouth dried. What kind of selfish sod was he?
    ‘I’m not criticising you. Those things have probably never passed across your radar before.’ Her brow furrowed. ‘You have this amazing and exciting life. Do you really want to give it up for nappies, teething, car pools and trips to the dentist?’
    He couldn’t answer that.
    ‘Do you really want to be a father, Ben?’
    He stared at his hands. He curled his fingers against his palms, forming them into fists. ‘I don’t know what to do.’ He searched Meg’s eyes—eyes that had given him answers in the past. ‘What should I do?’ Did she think he had it in him to become a good father?
    ‘No way!’ She shot back in her chair. ‘I am not going to tell you what to do. I am not going to make this decision for you. It’s too important. This is something you have to work out for yourself, Ben.’
    His mouth went drier than the Kalahari Desert. Meg meant to desert him?
    Her face softened. ‘If you don’t want that level of involvement I will understand. You won’t be letting me down. We’ll carry on as we’ve always done and there’ll be no hard feelings. At least not on my side.’
    Or his!
    ‘But if you do want to be a proper father it only seems fair to warn you that my expectations will be high.’
    He swallowed. He didn’t do expectations.
    She reached out and touched his hand. He stared at it and suddenly realised how small it was.
    ‘I’m so grateful to you, Ben. I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to becoming a mother—how happy I am that I’m pregnant. You helped make that possible for me. If you do want to be a fully involved father I would never deny that to you.’
    It was a tiny hand, and as he stared at it he suddenly remembered the fairytales she’d once spun about families—perfect mothers and fathers, beautiful children, loving homes—when the two of them had been nothing but children themselves. She’d had big dreams.
    He couldn’t walk away. She was carrying his child. But could he live up to her expectations of what a father should be? Could he live up to his own expectations? Could he do a better job than his father had done?
    His heart thumped against his ribcage. It might be better for all concerned if he got up from this table right now and just walked away.
    ‘I realise this isn’t the kind of decision you can make overnight.’
    Her voice hauled him back from the brink of an abyss.
    ‘But, Ben, for the baby’s sake...and for mine...could you please make your decision by the time the wedding rolls around?’
    His head lifted. Six weeks? She was giving him six weeks? If he could cope with six weeks living in Fingal Bay, that was.
    He swallowed. If he couldn’t he supposed they’d have their answer.
    ‘And