First Into Action by Duncan Falconer Read Free Book Online Page B

stands in front of it in his worn patent-leather shoes and drab raincoat, looks it straight in the eye and makes a deal. The things that must go through his mind as he approaches the rendezvous point would be enough to make a lesser man run screaming for his life. Many end up with shot nerves after only a few years at the front. No one knows how many tout-makers have been killed or have disappeared without trace over the years. They don’t officially exist, in life or in death, not in their true capacity. But there is always paperwork. Even top secret operations are documented. There has to be a report, official and unofficial. The official report that ends up in the newspapers might read something like: ‘An off-duty army officer was found dead last night shortly after he was seen leaving a popular pub . . .’
    When the IRA recruit’s first deal has been sealed he or she becomes a ‘client’. The tout-maker then keeps in constant touch, mothering him, seeing to all his needs, counselling him, becoming as close to him as possible, assessing the information and constantly squeezing for more. Every tout has a ‘career’, a length of usefulness, and although most are short term in the scheme of things, the IRA has always been plagued by the suspicion of a high-ranking mole within its organisation, even today. The rumour alone does damage. I heard there were two.
    If an operation is concluded with the help of a tout, that tout’s cover is most often ‘blown’ as a result, or is usually considered so. The tout is given the opportunity to move into a protection programme which means money and a new life, often in a different country. Most touts do very well out of the deal, which is what attracts them, and the rumours help to create more touts. But sometimes the tout gets greedy or is suspected of being a double agent, his information becomes dubious and he must be considered a threat to operations and to the tout-maker himself. If a tout finds himself in such a situation he is in danger from all sides.
    I had spent the final hours of the first night’s ambush desperate to pee but not daring to move, and so before this night’s ambush I drank very little and did not eat much, either, because that would have made me thirsty.
    It was colder now that the wind had picked up and I became hungry. I did not reach into my pocket for a bit of nutty (chocolate) in case O’Sally stepped into view right at that second. I would lose the draw. He was too deadly to take chances like that. He knew what it was like to kill a man.
    Revulsion and fascination are the primary reactions to taking a life. If an operative discovers it to be revolting, he need not expose himself to it again and can quit. If he remains in the unit after taking a life it would suggest he is prepared to kill again. Most men who have ended a career in special forces without at least once being involved in a deadly conflict regret it to some extent.
    O’Sally was more than fascinated with killing. He was an enthusiast. We had a few of our own just like him. I wondered how I would react when it was over – I did not expect to lose the conflict.
    As for my fear, I knew I was on the road to controlling it when I began dreaming of meeting a would-be aggressor head on instead of letting my fear get a hold of me. I rarely fought as in quicksand any more. The reason behind the change was that I discovered I could re-programme my default instincts by constantly daydreaming of specific dramatic situations and seeing myself react the way I thought I should or wanted to. When the reactions spilled over into my dreams, the windows into one’s true personality, I knew I was succeeding. I was pleased there was a way of changing things I did not like about myself. The first dream I can remember having of killing a man was while asleep back in the hide during the O’Sally ambush. It was a dream in which I killed O’Sally. But it wasn’t an easy kill. I still moved