Follow the Stars Home by Luanne Rice Read Free Book Online Page B

serene eyes, hands folded in prayer position under her chin. She might have the same turmoil inside as Dianne, but she hid it better. “Were you nice to him?” she asked.
    “Nice?” Dianne asked.
    “To Alan,” her mother said. “When you saw him today …”
    “Well …” Dianne said, remembering the look on his face as they'd left his office.
    “Dianne?”
    “Why does he have to remind me so much of Tim?” she asked.
    “Oh, honey,” Lucinda said.
    “They move in identical ways,” Dianne said. “Their voices sound the same. Alan's hair is darker, but it gets light in the summer. He wears glasses, but when he takes them off …”
    “Superficial similarities,” Lucinda said.
    “I tell myself that,” Dianne said. “I feel so bad,holding this miserable grudge against him. But my stomach hurts every time I think of what Tim did. I lie awake hating him for hurting Julia, but I also hate him for leaving me too. It's horrible, like I swallowed a rock.”
    “Ouch,” Lucinda said kindly.
    “I know. And every time I look at Alan, I think of Tim. He makes me think of all the hurt and betrayal, of how much I hate his brother—”
    “No,” Lucinda said sharply. “That I don't believe.”
    “I do, Mom. I hate Tim.”
    “But I don't believe Alan
makes
you feel that way. He can't. He wouldn't-he's too good. He cares for you and Julia, he's always been there. Those feelings are yours alone. Wherever they come from, you're taking them on yourself.”
    Dianne thought of Alan's eyes, how kind and gentle they were when he looked at Julia. She pictured his hands examining Julia's body, holding her crooked hands as if they were the most precious things on earth.
    “I know he's good,” Dianne said quietly.
    “Listen to me, honey,” Lucinda said. “When you talk about swallowing that rock, I can see what it's doing to you. I can. You're tough as can be, you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, but those hard feelings are tearing you up.”
    The reality of her mother's words brought tears to Dianne's eyes. Her stomach clenched, the rock bigger than ever. Once the sorrow over Tim's departure had gone and the only things left were bitterness and anger and the rock in her stomach, Dianne had realized in a flash that she had made a mistake from the very beginning: She had chosen the wrong brother.
    “I'm fine,” Dianne said.
    “You say that, but I can see how worried you are. And then when Alan calls, you snap at him-as if it's him you're mad at instead of Tim. When he's just trying to help.”
    “Sometimes he gets me at a bad time,” Dianne said.
    “With him it's always a bad time,” Lucinda said.
    “I'm tired, Mom,” Dianne said, uncomfortable with the conversation and the way her mother was smiling at her.
    “When I retire,” Lucinda said, putting her arm around Dianne, “I'm going to spend some time taking care of you.”
    Dianne's throat ached. It felt so good to be loved. She closed her eyes and let her mother's strength flow into her. She may have chosen the wrong brother, screwed up her life, but she had the best mother in the world.
    “Julia and I have big plans for your retirement,” Dianne said.
    “Oh, honey,” Lucinda said. “Not a party, okay? I know you want to do something for me, and I appreciate it, but I'm not the surprise-party type.”
    “No party,” Dianne said.
    “Besides, there's the library dance,” Lucinda said. “I think they're going to give me a plaque or something this year. I'll have to pretend to be surprised. How's this?” She made a Betty Boop face: round eyes and mouth, fingertips just brushing her jaw.
    “Very convincing,” Dianne said, laughing.
    “Not that I'm not appreciative,” Lucinda said. “I am-I love them all and I'll miss them like crazy. But I'm ready, honey. My feet have been swollen for forty years, and I just want to kick these dumb oxfords right into the marsh and never see them again.”
    “Julia and I will come up with something