Food, Girls, and Other Things I Can't Have

Food, Girls, and Other Things I Can't Have by Allen Zadoff Read Free Book Online

Book: Food, Girls, and Other Things I Can't Have by Allen Zadoff Read Free Book Online
Authors: Allen Zadoff
Tags: David_James
around April’s shoulders likehe’s hot shit. She shrugs it off, but not too fast. It looks like she’s grateful to have someone paying attention to her. Someone with a positive rep. Someone who’s not me.
    Eytan sees it, too, but he doesn’t say anything. He starts talking about Estonia instead, trying to distract me like a friend does when things are bad.
    At dinner on Tuesday night I have to listen to Jessica telling Mom how things are going so well at school. She loves seventh grade, she says, and then she launches into some stupid story about how the boys try to touch her hair, but she screams and they run away.
    Mom asks me how things are going, and I tell her the girls try to touch my hair, but I scream and they run away. Jessica doesn’t find that funny, and neither does Mom. So I make up a bunch of exciting stuff, so Mom won’t get worried or e-mail Dad to have a talk with me.
    So much for Tuesday.
    On Wednesday, April’s not sitting alone at the new-girl table in the cafeteria anymore. Instead she’s at a table with Lisa Jacobs and a bunch of the popular girls. Lisa Jacobs is an SHG. Super Hot Girl, only she’s SHG # I . She’s got long blonde hair, an amazing face, and giant boobs. Her boobs are so big they’re like an entire other student. Eytan says they have their own GPA, like Lisa has a 2.8, and her boobs have a 4.0.
    The worst part is that Lisa is nice. Not nice to me, but a nice person. Everyone says so.
    What I can’t figure out is how April ended up with Lisa. They’re laughing together like old friends. When did they become friends?
    Lisa is also O. Douglas’s girlfriend. No surprise that the hottest girl and hottest guy are together. My dad always says, “Water seeks its own level.” Maybe that’s why I always get stuck with Warner. Fat drifts towards other fat. It’s a fundamental physical law.
    Later that day I see April and Lisa Jacobs together again, this time sitting in the library. It looks like they’re studying together, but that seems pretty much impossible. I mean, April is brilliant, and Lisa Jacobs is … known for having good hair. It’s a mystery to me.
    On Thursday, I see April walking down the hall with those same girls. They’re like a posse now, moving together in a clump of popularity.
    By Friday, she’s sitting far away from Justin in History class. She’s getting so popular, she doesn’t need him anymore. Or maybe her new friends warned her that he was a dipshit. Either way, she’s moved on to bigger and better things.
    That would be kind of a relief, except she’s moved on from me, too. She hasn’t said a word to me since that day in the hall, and she won’t make eye contact. It’s like we’ve never even met. Or maybe we did meet, but she purposely did an Eternal Sunshine and had the memory erased to make space for more pleasant memories that don’t include fat kids.
    Eytan said I had to move fast, and I did.
    It took just one week for April, a brand-new girl, to become popular. It took me less than a week to become an untouchable.
    That’s pretty fast.

mini memories.
    I’m standing in front of 175 mini spring rolls with a love song playing in the background. “True Colors,” that old song by Cyndi Lauper. Sappy. But what else do you expect at a wedding?
    It’s the weekend, and I’m helping Mom again. There are girls all over the place, but I can’t stop thinking about April. I blame the spring rolls. They’re Asian, and so is April. I know she’s Korean and spring rolls are Vietnamese, but it doesn’t matter. Asian things remind me of April now.
    Mom passes me with a platter of mini knishes, and those remind me of April, too. I can’t figure that one out. Why would Jewish food remind me of her?
    When I see the mini meatballs, I realize it’s not the nationality at all—it’s the food. Food in general reminds me of April. So I’m pretty much screwed.
    As soon as Mom disappears into the kitchen, I stuff threespring rolls into my mouth. I

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