Not after finally knowing the impact of my loss. I can’t give up what I have left of her. I can’t leave her house to sit empty like she never existed. I only have this little bit of her left, and I’m not giving it up.
“You don’t have to worry about me, okay?” I manage to sputter out. “I’ll take care of myself. But I can’t leave. I have nowhere else to go.”
“It’s not that simple.” He paces back and forth. “You can’t stay here and think people won’t find out about you. Besides, there won’t be any going back now that Abby and Sadie have seen you.”
“I won’t speak to them.” I start to panic, my anger turning quickly to fear. “I’ll stay away from you too, if that’s what you want. I just need to be here. I need to be where she lived. I have my own reasons.”
He shakes his head violently, gripping his hands in his hair. “You don’t get it. They won’t let you do that. They love you. Every single one of them. They don’t even know you, and they love you. If something went wrong, they would all die to protect you. Don’t you get that?”
I don’t get that. I don’t know what it feels like to have someone love me so much. It seems impossible.
He steps closer and clutches my shoulders. “Whoever wanted Fiona dead killed her because of who her family is, and trust me, around here, who your mother is means a lot.”
I look down, but he tilts my chin back up to look at him. “What do you think they’ll do when they find out Fiona has a daughter who can step up and take her place? They will come after you, Wilhelmina. They will try to kill you too, and whoever else might stand in their way.”
It isn’t fair. I’ve already lost so much, and now to find out if I stay here, I’ll be putting not only myself, but also other people in danger. I don’t even know these people, but it doesn’t change the obligation I feel to protect them or the ache in my chest at the loss of never getting the chance to know them.
The ticking bomb inside me goes off, and my emotions explode. I cry openly, without shame, not in hope of changing his mind, but because it feels good. The relief of finally putting a name to my abnormality, knowing it’s inherited, while the weight of the burden I might be placing on them now because of it is too much to handle. My chest starts to heave as my tears blur my vision.
“I don’t mean to scare you.” His words are muffled through the sound of my own sobs.
I am scared, but not for the reason he believes. I’m not scared to stay here and die, but rather to leave. I’m afraid of having to live life somewhere other than this place where my existence finally makes sense. I sink to the ground, my knees too weak with grief to hold the weight of my realization. I cry into my glowing hands as I feel the wind pick up around me. My hair blows off my shoulders, and I know I am losing control. He bends down on his knees. “Calm down.”
I shake my head. It’s too late. The wind blows harder. The leaves rustle in the trees behind me.
“Calm down,” he says again.
I continue to shake my head. I can’t stop it now. My emotions are too strong. The wind whistles as it hits my face in swift gusts.
“Stop.” His voice is stern, but his touch is gentle as his fingers tip my cheek. It feels cool against my flushed skin. I flinch, but he only increases the contact, placing his entire palm against my face. “Concentrate. Calm down.”
The salt from my tears sting my tongue as I bite my lips, trying to force myself into submission. Truthfully, I don’t want to stop. It feels too good to let it all out. However, I don’t want to frighten him. He was at least nice enough to tell me what I am, even if it was to cure his own curiosity.
My chest continues to heave uncontrollably as I squeeze my eyes shut. I try to force my emotions into my tears instead of letting them run freely through me. It isn’t an easy task, but it helps having his skin against mine. It
Jessica Buchanan, Erik Landemalm, Anthony Flacco