From Here to Maternity by Sinéad Moriarty Read Free Book Online Page B

hightailed it out of the door before I could give him a list of things to do and buy.
    When he finally arrived back I was waiting for him. ‘Right. Come on,’ I said, handing Yuri to him. ‘Bathtime.’
    ‘Any chance I could take off my coat first?’
    ‘You’ve been gone for four hours, during which I have managed to find a solution to the bath problem – not to mention washing clothes, feeding and changing Yuri and attempting to play stimulating games with him.’
    ‘How did they go?’
    ‘Disaster. He ignored me and sat chewing the cardboard box. Anyway, never mind that. Come on, upstairs,’ I said, and ushered him up to the bathroom. I had put on my favourite Norah Jones CD and turned the heating up so the bathroom was nice and warm. The scene was set. I handed James a list of pointers I’d copied from the book, and while the bath was filling I asked him to read me the instructions.
    ‘OK, place the palm of your right hand on Yuri’s chest and scissor your fingers so that three of them go under his left armpit and your thumb and index finger rest on his chest.’
    ‘Not so fast,’ I grumbled, trying to figure out the scissors manoeuvre as James leant over and prised my fingers apart. ‘Ouch, what are you trying to do – break my hand?’
    ‘You’re going to drop him. Do a proper scissors.’
    ‘I’m trying. Read on.’
    ‘Slide your left hand behind the back of his neck and shoulders and gently bend his body forward, transferring the weight of the body on to your right hand. Now place your left hand under his bum and lift.’
    I was never very good at following instructions. I had that problem where if someone said go right, I went left. I had sat my driving test six times before they eventually took pity on me and passed me. When we had first met, James thought it was cute. But that wore off when we took a trip down to the west of Ireland where I kept telling him to turn right when I meant left. We ended up being stopped by the police for driving the wrong way down a one-way street. He went from finding it endearing to finding it mind-boggling – he simply couldn’t understand how someone could have difficulty differentiating between right and left. I said it was a curse I’d been born with and it was very cruel to be rude about someone’s shortcomings.
    ‘No, Emma.’ He sighed as I shuffled Yuri from right to left, trying to scissors my hands and hold him under the armpits, the back of the head and the bum. How the hell could I do all three? ‘Not left hand – right hand under his bum.’
    ‘I’m doing my best,’ I hissed, as Yuri’s lip began to wobble. ‘Please don’t cry, sweetheart, please. I’m trying here,’ I said, kissing his cheek as I almost dropped him in an arm-swap-scissors-style move.
    ‘I’ve got an idea,’ said James. ‘Why don’t you read the instructions and I’ll follow them? I think it’d be much wiser.’
    ‘No, I’ve got it now.’
    ‘Emma, if you put him in like that, he’ll drown.’
    ‘Oh, you and your stupid lefts and rights. Fine, take him and show me how easy it is, then,’ I snapped, and handed Yuri over.
    James did some swift hand movements and suddenly Yuri didn’t look uncomfortable or miserable. ‘Read on,’ he said smugly, as I tried to hide my annoyance.
    ‘Yuri should be slumped over your right hand in a sitting position, bent forward and lightly perched on your left hand.’ Even reading my notes was confusing. Maybe I had copied the information down incorrectly. But when I looked up, James had Yuri in what appeared to be the right position.
    ‘Slowly lower him into the bath in the sitting position, feet first, and then transfer your left hand to the back of his head and neck to support him. Ease him into the water. Your right hand is now free and you should be able to wash him.’
    I was frankly amazed to see that he had done exactly as I told him and Yuri was sitting in the bath – not exactly looking ecstatic to be there but