Futile Flame by Sam Stone Read Free Book Online Page B

everyone slept. At first, not even our father suspected that our new friendship was unseemly, was anything more than a normal brother-sister relationship. During the day we played games like children, and I suppose we were. I was only fifteen and Caesare just a few years older. I took to dressing as a boy. We’d ride out of the gates, while I was disguised as a squire, riding astride a horse. Rumours of our exploits began to be whispered in scandalised voices in the halls of the Vatican. My nosy servant girl giggled when she caught me changing from my boy’s clothing into a more appropriate evening dress of silk and lace. But it didn’t stop. I think, in some way, I was in love with Caesare, certainly infatuated. More than anything, I was enjoying the freedom that our relationship gave me.
    We rode together every day and then we would return to the grove. Caesare would bring ecstatic cries from me, as he loved me over and over until we were both exhausted. The afternoon would blend into evening as we lay together under the sun, our skin softly browning. My natural olive hue deepened.
    ‘It’s most unladylike,’ Guila pointed out. She sent me creams and powders one evening. ‘Perhaps you should consider wearing a veil when you are outside?’
    I looked at Guila closely, wondering if this observation meant she knew what was happening between Caesare and I. As she bowed her head back to her embroidery, I had no sense that she thought anything was amiss. I took to powdering my face, and as we made love in the grove, I encouraged Caesare to lie with me in the shade instead of the sun.
    I was a willing participant, although I was not naive enough to believe it could go on forever. Some days I thought that one day we would both tire of it. We would return to our former lives as brother and sister, as if nothing had ever happened. At other times I prayed it wouldn’t end for the love and lust were so intense I could not imagine my life without it.
    ‘We must be careful,’ he warned.
    Caesare often did not take his own advice and sometimes at dinner he gazed longingly at me. If we were in a social gathering, his eyes would follow me as I circled the room. Once or twice I thought I observed Guila looking from one to the other of us and I was afraid. I would cool my expression and still my body language, concentrating on my needlepoint, while trying to disregard Caesare’s hurt expression.
    ‘Please, Caesare, you must understand that we are at times too obvious with each other. What if we are discovered?’ I told him more than once. ‘Father would...’
    ‘It won’t happen. Why should it? We have been careful.’
    ‘Not careful enough sometimes,’ I pointed out.
    My brother chose to ignore my warnings.
    ‘Father is not suspicious. He knows you dress as a boy. He laughed about it with me last night after dinner. He likes that you are enjoying a certain freedom.’
    ‘Yes. Because he still intends to marry me to the Spaniard. Then I will have no freedom, no life of my own. I will have to appear a devoted wife.’
    ‘It will never happen. Besides, I can’t help how I look at you sometimes. I want you night and day, don’t you know that?’
    Caesare kissed my hand. He was so loving and I adored him despite the fact that I knew it was wrong. I couldn’t help myself. We were caught up in some misguided fascination, which I knew one day would come to an end. Our world would change with the forthcoming marriage and so far our father had been adamant that it would go ahead.
    ‘But, if he does marry me to this Spaniard... on the wedding night I must play the virgin in the way that you taught me.’ I giggled stroking my nail down his bare chest. ‘I’ll be all coy and scared and tremble.’
    ‘No. I couldn’t bear it,’ Caesare gasped, sitting beside me on my bed. ‘I could never allow another man to touch you, to have you. You’re mine, Luci. You belong to me and no other can have you.’
    He kissed me and a shiver