Going Geek by Charlotte Huang Read Free Book Online Page A

if you weren’t rich? Or some movie wasn’t happening?”
    “You wouldn’t understand. Your family’s always been the same,” I begin. His face—mouth tight, eyes flat—closes down further. “Wait, that’s not what I mean.” I wish for a do-over where I actually don’t say something stupid or insulting.
    “Yeah. We’ve never had a ton of money. Until now I never thought that bothered you.”
    “It doesn’t matter to me one bit. God, Leo.” I grab his arm, desperate for him to believe me. “But it’s hard to go from being known as one thing and then having to get used to being something else. If anything, I just didn’t want to ruin your image of me. Being with someone who sees only the best version of you is really kind of uplifting. And with all the unhappy and annoying stuff happening, I needed some uplifting.”
    “My image of you is of someone I trust, who trusts me. That’s all I care about. I never knew you thought all the Hollywood bullshit mattered to me. I thought we worked because we could be ourselves with each other.”
    “We can,” I say, hoping that my conviction is enough to pull us through this.
    “Evidently not.”
    I rack my brain for a way to explain this to him. “What if you got hurt and couldn’t play anymore? Somebody else would take your place as the star of varsity soccer, and you probably wouldn’t feel normal for a very long time.”
    From his serious expression, I can tell he’s thought about this before. “Yeah. That would obviously suck. But I wouldn’t be able to hide it, and even if I could, that isn’t really my style. And I definitely wouldn’t be worried that you’d feel any different about me.” His eyes narrow. “Would you?”
    Could this conversation be going any worse? “Of course not! That’s not what I’m saying at all. But wouldn’t it make you even a little scared that your entire identity would change?”
    Leo gives me a stern look. “I would miss playing and being with the team. And I’d have to figure out a new scholarship. But I have plenty of other stuff going on, and my real friends would still be there.”
    “Yeah, well…lucky you.”
    He lets out a long exhale. “I guess what bothers me is that you cared what everyone else thinks more than you cared about being honest with me.”
    From where he’s sitting, I’m sure that’s exactly what it looks like. Anything I say will probably make it worse, but I have to try. “You’re right. That shouldn’t have been more important.”
    “But it was.”
    “What can I say? I wasn’t thinking about it from your point of view, and I’m sorry.” I watch him. He chews the corner of his bottom lip, his gaze unwavering. A heavy feeling of dread settles in the center of my chest.
    “I don’t know, Sky.” He’s the only one who’s allowed to call me that, but hearing him say it now is disconcerting. “Most of that is made up in other people’s heads, which is their business, but I didn’t know that it was so in
your
head. You never talk about Hollywood or parties or money when it’s just you and me.”
    “Because that’s not us.” My voice is barely a whisper.
    “But you lied for an entire summer—probably longer—so now I don’t know what
is
us.” His whole body is a stormy clash of hurt and anger. “Maybe we need some space to figure this out.”
    “I don’t need space. I didn’t do this to hurt you, and I still want to be with you.”
    Leo kicks a rock out of the path. “Okay. Then I need time.”
    Space and time have never sounded so ominous. I want to ask him to define exactly what that means but sense that pressing him right now would only end badly. Better to let him cool down for a couple of days.
    But he looks so upset, and it hits me that I can’t be the one to comfort him. Not this time. It’s such an unfamiliar, gutting feeling. I have no choice but to keep going to the main campus. At least I manage to get far enough away before the sobs start.
    I fly up