Good Intentions 3: Personal Demons by Elliott Kay Read Free Book Online Page B

Blinked away the water in his eyes. Found his own voice again, if not entirely his own words. “We were both hurt. Cracker and me. Darren couldn’t carry both of us. Cracker had a concussion. I had a bullet in my gut. And I figured…I figured Cracker had a wife and daughter, but I didn’t have nobody. I told Darren to pick him up and go.”
    “He had a wife and daughter,” Rachel repeated. A tear rolled down her cheek. “Oh, Alex.”
    “Is this how Heaven works shit out when it’s time to come back? Who decides where you go from one life to the next? Is this supposed to be fucking funny?”
    Her eyes suggested an apology. “I keep telling the other angels we should get a sorting hat, but they just love shooting every soul through that stupid cannon.”
    A laugh escaped him in spite of himself. He quickly smothered it, though Rachel’s smile ensured the small lift to his spirits wouldn’t fail again. “Babe, you saved more than his life and Darren’s. This guy you’ve known all your life? He’s real. You— Will made him see the light. That day in Vietnam un-fucked his whole mindset about a lot of things. It took time, but that’s how this works. That’s how the world gets better. Hopefully it doesn’t take a sacrifice like Will’s, but sometimes it does.
    “Roy doesn’t talk about it because he’s ashamed of who and what he was back then. For a long time, everything he did was about making up for his past. Eventually he forgave himself, but he kept on because he knew it was right. That’s why he was so good to Drew and his family. That’s why he was so good to his students. It started with guilt, but it became more than that.”
    “We went to his retirement ceremony,” said Alex. Bitterness crept in with the anguish. “People went on and on about all the good he did. People who got through college because of him. People who didn’t look like me. They looked a lot more like Will. I was so proud of him then, and now…now I look at him and I hear all the shitty things he used to say. All the shitty things he did. And I remember realizing I— Will wasn’t getting out of that jungle.”
    “I know about that war,” said Rachel. “Will was, what, your third American life? You think those other lives were as enlightened as you are now? You think you never believed any of the racist stuff most people grew up with in your other lives?” She asked the questions without reproach. “Do you think you don't have any prejudices now?”
    Alex opened his mouth to object, but he understood the weakness of any argument before he spoke. The answer would always be more complicated than the idealistic “yes” he wanted to give. He’d learned that from his mother and the family that shared their holidays. He’d learned it from Katherine and Cracker Carlisle.
    He’d brought two girlfriends home for Christmas. The worst he got for it was a few clumsy questions. Whatever anyone else's doubts or discomfort, they kept it to themselves and treated Lorelei and Rachel with warmth and respect. That said a lot for the people who raised him.
    “I don't know how to forgive him,” he admitted. “And I guess maybe that's shitty of me when I'm not so perfect myself. Or never was.”
    “Nobody ever is,” said Rachel. “Don't beat yourself up for that. I only asked so you'd put it into perspective.”
    “Yeah. I get that. I don't know what to do with this. I'm sure part of this is the shake-up from walking right into the past again, but...” He shrugged.
    “You forgave Lorelei. You've seen what she is. You saw her last victim. Every one of them was probably bound for Hell, sure, but you know she didn't do any of that to make the world a better place. You know she did a lot of fucked up shit along the way. She wasn't one of the good guys.”
    “Lorelei came from a different world.”
    “Didn't Roy?”
    He saw her point. “I guess maybe this is different for me because it’s personal. Doesn't make what he did worse