Hard Feelings by Jason Starr Read Free Book Online Page A

there, but there’s supposed to be live music. I guess that’s opposed to dead music.” He laughed. “Anyway, it’s probably the most exciting thing to do up here at night.”
    I was about to say no thank you, but Paula beat me to it.
    “I’m sorry,” she said, “but I’m not feeling too well.”
    “Oh no,” Kirsten said. “Was it something you ate?”
    “I don’t know,” Paula said. “Maybe.”
    “Are you all right?” Doug said, overly concerned, as if he were Paula’s father.
    “I’m fine,” Paula said. “I just want to go back to the room and rest.”
    In front of the inn, Paula and I said goodnight and then we headed through the lobby.
    “What’s wrong?” I said.
    “Just leave me the fuck alone,” she said.
    Jesus, here we go again.
    “You know, I’m really getting sick of this shit,” I said.
    “I really don’t care what you’re getting sick of.”
    “Every two minutes getting pissed off at me, having these ridiculous fights.”
    We walked upstairs in silence. On the second floor, Paula said, “I’m going to sleep.”
    “I wish you would tell me what I did wrong.”
    When we were inside the room, Paula said, “Don’t you think we should discuss if or when we’re having children before you start making public announcements?”
    “What are you talking about?” I said. “You always said you wanted kids before you were thirty-five.”
    “And when was the last time we discussed that?” she said, glaring at me.
    “Jesus, why do you have to pick fights about every little thing?”
    “Having a family isn’t ‘little’! I haven’t heard you say a word about children since . . . I don’t know when. Then, all of a sudden, it’s all decided—we’re having kids ‘in a year or two.’ ”
    “I thought that was the plan.”
    “Whose plan? There’s a lot up in the air right now. You don’t know what’s happening with your job, I just got a new job. I’m not ready to stay home and raise a family. And I definitely don’t want to move out of the city to a house in the suburbs—where the hell did you get that idea?”
    Paula walked away into the bathroom and I followed her.
    “I hope you’re not serious about any of this,” I said.
    “I’m very serious,” she said. “I’ve been talking about all of this with Dr. Carmadie. I’m not sure what I want yet.”
    “And you say I’m the one who doesn’t discuss things? You’ll talk about kids with your fucking therapist, but you won’t talk to me!”
    I felt like I was losing control, that if this went on any further I’d start saying things I’d regret.
    “We can discuss it right now if you want to,” she said.
    “You know what I think?” I said. “I think this has nothing to do with whether you want kids or not. I think it has to do with me. You’re not sure you want my kids.”
    “Oh, really—”
    “Maybe I’m too lazy for you,” I said. “Maybe you want some arrogant hotshot Wall Street guy like Doug.”
    “ What? ”
    “I saw the way you were flirting with him, laughing at every fucking word that came out of his mouth, like he was Robin Fucking Williams. See, I’m right—your face is turning red. You were flirting with him, weren’t you?”
    “Will you shut the hell up?”
    “Why don’t you go downstairs and find him—I’m sure Kirsten won’t mind. They’re probably swingers—maybe the two of you could fuck him at the same time.”
    Paula had been looking away. Now she turned back toward me and screamed, “Get out of here, you bastard! Get the hell out!”
    I stormed out of the room, slamming the door, and took the stairs down to the lobby. I walked toward the tennis courts then, realizing I was cold, I turned around and headed back toward the inn.
    Still too upset to go back to the room, I sat on the porch, in one of the rocking chairs facing Main Street. There were two young women on the porch a few yards away from me. They looked like they were in their mid-twenties. One of the girls