Hate to Love You by Elise Alden Read Free Book Online Page A

another swallow. Only a few streets down, flat 27B would have what I really wanted. There was a twenty-pound note in my mother’s drawer and all I had to do was pinch it and head out. I got up, sat back down and forced myself to stay put.
    My hand shook as I lifted the Absolut to my lips. Some of it dribbled down my chin and I cursed my clumsiness. I cursed myself for a lot of other things also, including kissing James. His pitying look was imprinted on my memory, as were his words. The bastard was right and I hated him for it. I was more damaged and more twisted than he could ever guess, not to mention all my other faults.
    A junkie.
    A sponger.
    A pregnant virgin who’d kissed her sister’s man in a fit of pique.
    My hand flew to my abdomen. Marcia had phoned me after her shift and the first thing she’d done was forbid me to drink. I’d promised not to but I couldn’t help it. She didn’t understand that I needed it to keep me sane. It was either drink the vodka or raid my mother’s drawer and knock on that door. Even now, with plans to fill my veins with so much Absolut my blood became transparent, I craved the hit. Just the once—the last hit—would help ease my transition into a junk-free life, and then I’d stop.
    Liar! My mind threw the word at me so hard I flinched.
    What the hell was I going to do? My flippant comments to James weren’t true. I didn’t want to spend my life collecting dole money for cigarettes and booze. Add a brat to the mix and he could write more social commentary on the propagation of the underclass. I could be his case study.
    My laugh was bitter. My parents wouldn’t tolerate the shame of single parenthood in their home. If I didn’t marry the man who had “plundered my womanhood” our fragile link would be severed forever. I needed their support, such as it was. My peers were independent decision-making individuals but I was afraid of being on my own again. I was reliant on my parents’ goodwill to live somewhere I had a better chance of staying clean. I looked at the bottle in my hand.
    I was pathetic, and James had been right to jeer at me.
    There were no mirrors in my bedroom but my reflection in the window was clear. Could I face that girl without the usual blast of debilitating pain? With a deep breath I looked into her eyes, searching deep. I lasted about seven seconds before the explosion hit me, making me clutch my forehead as I absorbed the shock.
    Nothing had changed.
    I lifted the bottle to my mouth, took another swig and settled back to finish my birthday present.
    * * *
    “Caroline.”
    The voice was husky and male, and it sounded as though it was coming from the end of a long tunnel. I shifted on the bed and my nostrils picked up a whiff of brandy and expensive cologne. It grew stronger, closer to my face, the scent so delicious I took another sniff. The warm pressure on my shoulder increased, shaking me out of sleep. I opened my eyes and blinked a few times into the pitch black. I stared into the dark, reaching out with my hand for the feel of something familiar.
    “Darling, it’s James.”
    His voice was close to my ear. My hand froze and the cloying aroma of sickly sweet roses wafted up from the sheets. Shit, I was in Caroline’s room. She had black out blinds and a torture rack she called a bed. No wonder my back was aching and my shoulders sore. James mumbled something and the mattress depressed next to me.
    His lips grazed my ear. “Let me explain.”
    I jerked fully awake and scrambled to sit up. Why was I naked? Oh yeah, I’d got cosy with my Absolut and ended up trying on Caroline’s designer dresses. Things were a bit fuzzy after that but I’d obviously crashed in the buff. I drew my knees into my chest and patted the mattress next to me, coming up with nothing. Darkness be damned, I made a move to scuttle off the bed, but James’s slightly slurred words stopped me.
    “I’m glad you decided not to sleep at Veronica’s tonight. Now we can