Heart of the Outback by Emma Darcy Read Free Book Online Page B

Alida.”
    Her mouth twisted. “I know. I’m not a real person to you, am I? You made me up in your head, fashioning an image that suited you, that you could discard as unimportant after I’d served your needs. That way you didn’t have to think of me as a person who bleeds inside. People in the fast lane are too busy to bleed, aren’t they? And they don’t stop to care about children.”
    He said nothing. But his eyes acknowledged the hit she had made. It gave her no pleasure to see the recoil in them. The truth was too painful.
    “I’m sorry, Gareth,” she said wearily. “Despite our mutual desires, despite what I said, the sheer naked compulsion of the moment, I’m not going to be a convenience for you whenever opportunity arises. It’s too demeaning.”
    “You’re right.” He dragged the words out reluctantly. “I’m sorry for misunderstanding, Alida. I’m not good company for you. I see that now. And I’m sorry about that, too. I guess—” his mouth twisted into a grimace of displeasure “—I’ve been totally selfish where you’re concerned. Not thinking of your feelings at all, except in so far as I thought they matched mine.”
    She said nothing. It was another painful truth.
    He inhaled a deep breath and released it in a long slow sigh. His eyes swept over her, as though imprinting this image of her on his mind. “I guess I could do with a long walk,” he said softly.
    “I’ll ring for a taxi,” she offered.
    He shook his head. “I’d rather walk.”
    He left without bidding her goodnight. Or goodbye.
    For a long time Alida stood staring at the door that was shut between them. No hope, she kept telling herself. There never had been any hope. She could have told him about Andy, she supposed, but that would have divided them more. Gareth might have tried to take his son away from her. Or claimed visiting rights. It would have been totally divisive. And there was Andy to consider, as well. Impossible to know how he would have reacted.
    No, she had done the right thing. It was easier on everyone if she and Gareth kept apart. If she was unfit to be considered as a possible partner in his life, he would probably think she was unfit to be the mother of his son.
    Andy was hers. All hers. Gareth had his daughter, who was all his. That was how it was. That was how it would stay. This feeling of death—it would pass. Everything passed in time.

CHAPTER FIVE
    The night was bright with stars but Gareth didn’t see them. He felt numb and frustrated and bloody wounded. Why was Alida like that? Why had she done that to him?
    It was a long walk from Claremont to Peppermint Grove where his sister lived. If the distance made it a punishment for him, so much the better, Gareth thought savagely. He needed some sort of outlet for all the pent-up energy pounding through him, some sort of punishing physical activity to relieve the burning frustrations of his body.
    Damn Alida Rose, he thought. Damn the impulse that had made him approach her. Damn the desire that gave rise to the impulse. Hadn’t he felt enough guilt over her? He certainly didn’t need another load of it!
    Yet every word she had said about him was true. He couldn’t deny it. Not any of it. She had held up a mirror to him and shown him an image of himself that stripped him of all pretensions to being the human he thought he was. Shame burrowed through his heart as he remembered every callous detail of how he had treated her.
    Tonight was bad enough. He had chased her like a stag on the scent, blind to everything but having her again, determined to sweep aside any obstacle to satisfying his desire. Over and over again she had signalled the hurt he had given her five years ago, but that hadn’t stopped him. He had kept right on, pursuing his purpose, forcing the response he wanted from her.
    That bleak wounded look through the tears in her eyes… How many men had hurt her, taking then-pleasure of her and leaving her with nothing? Worse than