Hiss Me Deadly by Bruce Hale Read Free Book Online Page A

room to room. De gecko is lying."
    Heat rose to my face. "Mama Gecko didn't raise no liars."
    "No," said Mr. Zero, "just a kid who doesn't know grammar."
    I gestured at the music teacher. "If you check his desk, I bet you'll find the missing items."
    Principal Zero pricked up his ears. He stared at Mr. Mauler.
    "Oh, no, no," said the lynx, puffing out his chest. "I von't just stand by vhile you search my personal desk on de vord of a mere
student.
"
    "Oh, really?" said Principal Zero. "Would you prefer to sit instead?"

    Despite his threat to "report dis to de teachers' union," Mr. Mauler returned to his office with us. "Dis is absurd," he said as Mr. Zero approached the desk. "I vill tell de superintendent."
    The principal sat down in the desk chair. It grumbled like a grandma whose soup is too cold.
    I crowded close. "You'll see. It's packed with stolen—"
    Mr. Zero slid open the center drawer. It held the usual pencils, paper, and erasers, plus a dozen ...
    "Plastic roses?" I said.
    "See? I told you," said Gustav Mauler, crossing his arms.
    Principal Zero narrowed his eyes. "Gecko?"
    "That's just a cover-up," I said. "Check the other drawers."
    "No!" said Mr. Mauler.
    The principal opened a side drawer. This one
contained a woman's scarf, diamond earrings, and Miss Flemm's tiara.
    "See? I told you," I said.
    Mr. Zero eyed the music teacher, who had turned squirmier than a cupful of earthworms on a full-moon night. "Well?" said the principal. "Care to explain?"
    "Dugenzaluff," the lynx muttered, shifting from foot to foot.
    "How's that?" asked Mr. Zero.
    Mr. Mauler cleared his throat. "Uh, tokens of, er, love," he said at last.
    "Love?" I said. "You call
stealing
love?"
    The music teacher hung his head. "I have big crushes on several lady teachers," he said. "I—I admit, I sneaked into de rooms and left a rose..."
    "And?" said Principal Zero.
    "And I took from dem a little token, something to remind me of deir beauty."
    Eew.
Gross.
    I lifted my chin. "So why did you take the computers and pearls and watch? Did you have crushes on their owners, too?"
    Mr. Mauler frowned. "Computers? Vatch? Pearls? I did not take dese."
    I pawed through his desk, but couldn't find any other missing items. "But you confessed," I said. "You're
guilty.
"
    "
Ja,
" said Gustav Mauler. "Guilty of love in de first degree." He put out his wrists together. "Lock me up and throw away de key."
    Mr. Zero rose and took the music teacher by the shoulder. "This isn't a soap opera, it's a school. And I think your union will want to hear all about your ... shenanigans."
    He led the subdued lynx from the room. I followed. Mr. Zero gave me a look that was as hard to read as test answers on a sweaty palm. (Not that I'd know anything about
that.
)
    "Your job's not over, Gecko," said the big cat. "Back to class."
    As I watched them leg it down the hall, I stood, flat-footed. My brain spun like a spider in a blender. So there were
two
thieves, not one.
    And if Gustav Mauler hadn't swiped my mom's pearls and the other goods, who had?

13. The Tree Stooges
    After school, Natalie and I regrouped. As happy kids headed home, gabbing about tomorrow's fair, we sat by the flagpole and swapped stories. Fortunately, hers had a happier ending.
    "I found Luz Lipps hiding in a pine at the edge of the playground," she said.
    "Sneaky squirrel."
    Natalie nodded. "But not sneaky enough. When she left, I trailed her to a big oak tree just off school property. She bent down to its roots..."
    "And?"
    She shrugged. "The school bell rang, and I had to get back to class."
    I shook my head. "What kind of detective are you?"
    "The kind that gets good grades," she said. "You should try it sometime."
    "What, and give Mr. Zero a heart attack?" I rose. "Come on, partner."
    "Where are we going?" asked Natalie.
    "Straight to the root of the crime."

    Five minutes later, we found ourselves at the foot of a huge, gnarled oak tree. Its twisted limbs cast a dark shade that was heavier than a